.Crazy.Serious.

Malasakit sa Malasiqui

2009-04-02T22:29:00.000+09:00

Hello Friends!

It's vacation once again! Why don't we make our summer worthwhile by helping out in UP Caduceus' annual Rural Service Project! Details are on the poster.

The week long program includes Derma and Dental Mission (So for doctors and dentists out there! BLOCKMATES?! hehehe..), oral hygiene and health classes, leadership training seminar for high schoolers and fun activities for the kids!

It would only cost you Php1500.00 for the transpo, board and lodging, food!

What's more, you get to go to La Union, the Surfing Capital of North Luzon for your excursion!

For more info, please contact:

Dr. Rita Esguerra - 09194954708

and/or

Dr. Merck Marcelino - 09178940466

If you can't come, but would still love to help, you can sponsor a child participating in the program. It is Php200.00 per sponsorship.

Thank you! All the good things you do will be rewarded in heaven. God bless!

"We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give." - Winston Churchill

Romance without Regret

2009-03-12T14:59:00.000+09:00

Hey Caduceus members! On the first week of March we're going to try our hand at something new: a film-showing at the College of Arts and Sciences. Partly in celebration of Women's Week and partly to follow up the success of our last activity, "BOY MEETS GIRL: HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S REAL?", we'll be showing a film called ROMANCE WITHOUT REGRET.

The description goes:

In this high school assembly, Jason Evert and Crystalina Padilla offer straight answers to teens' toughest questions on dating, relationships, and how to have romance without regret. Through their humor, honesty, and powerful testimonies, the duo provides compelling reasons to pursue a life of purity, regardless of one's past.

Please support this activity. We're hoping to have an even bigger audience than the one for "Boy meets girl: How do you know it's real?"

Further messages and queries may be addressed at the Yahoo! Group. The tentative schedule is Wednesday, March 4, 1 pm. Invite your friends!

Disclaimer: This blog entry was copied from http://upcaduceus.multiply.com

Fatdom

2008-07-27T08:12:00.000+09:00

Im feasting my way to fatdom. This has got to stop.^_^

Finishing Touches of the Yearbook.

2008-07-18T21:09:00.000+09:00

Hello Batchmates!

This one's for the finishing touches of the yearbook and everyone must be included!

Please answer in JUST ONE SENTENCE:

"Who/What do you remember most about Mother Goose?"

(It can be an object, person or an event)

Examples: Si Ma'am Lolit na laging buntis!

DOTA

Whitehouse!

You can reply to this message,

you can post your answers in our YG or

send you answer along with your NAME to 09164028893 or 09178357159.

Please pass to our other batchmates! Thanks!

Nacho Usual Org: UP Caduceus

2008-06-25T19:27:00.000+09:00

What: Acquaintance party
When: June 30, 2008, 5-7pm
Where: Rm 104 Paz Mendoza Bldg, UP College of Medicine, UPM

It's a NACHO party! Free food with fun games and lots of prizes!! Everyone's invited! Please do come and help us help others!

Contact 09274025231 for more details!

UP ESTIFAK. Read from Gyll. Tsk.

2008-06-22T20:42:00.000+09:00

On the third day of classes in the hundredth year of the University of
the Philippines (UP), a freshman from Cotabato province, a Chemistry
major at UP in Diliman, Quezon City, had to drop out. Together with
his father, the brokenhearted young man went to see each of his
instructors to have his subjects invalidated.

While his Math 17 instructor was deleting his name from the class
list, I could see the poverty, desperation, anger and sense of
resignation in their faces. It was not the disappointment of winning
the lottery and being denied the prize later. The young man is a
member of a minority group in Mindanao. Without any connections and in
the absence of any socialized admission policy, he qualified as a
freshman in the College of Science of UP Diliman, a distinction he
earned through intelligence, pure hard work and perseverance amid
poverty. But in a few days, father and son are going back to Mindanao
for good.
The father explained they could not afford the "socialized" tuition at
P600 per unit for students in Bracket C, families whose annual incomes
range from P135,001 to P500,000 per annum. The father and son expected
to be in Bracket D, families with annual incomes ranging from P80,001
to P135,000. Students in bracket D pay P300 per unit.

UP president Emerlinda Roman seems to be disconnected from reality, or
she must be fooling herself by insisting that the new Socialized
Tuition and Financial Assistance Program (STFAP) is fair and proper
for an "iskolar ng bayan" [scholar of the nation]. Her family should
try living on P6,666.75 a month (which when multiplied by 12—the
number of months in a year—equals P80,001, the lower bound of Bracket
D incomes).

UP, no longer conscious of its role in society, chooses to ignore the
long-term impact of offering greater genuine educational opportunities
to the brightest among the poor, who are getting poorer amid the
reported economic gains of the country. Socialized admission and
tuition fee schemes do not lower academic standards. I've had
countless students from public schools and far-flung provinces. They
come to UP not as well prepared as their counterparts from the best
schools in Metro Manila. But many later outshine the sometimes
overconfident Manila-raised kids.
After the new STFAP took effect last year, UP is no longer an option
for the brightest among the poor. I agree with the cab driver whose
daughter qualified for UP Diliman, as narrated in Youngblood
(Inquirer, 3/24/08) by Mariel Kierulf Asiddao, a UP Mass Communication
student. The cab driver insisted it was ESTIFAK and not STFAP.

NOLI N. REYES, professor, Institute of Mathematics, University of the
Philippines, Diliman, Quezon City

John and Jen

2008-06-15T09:52:00.000+09:00

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston!! What a match! I never imagined those two with totally different backgrounds (well, as far as i know, which is not much) would meet up and become a couple! Im so happy for them. Well, of course, Im a little bit jealous! But who am I kidding?! Haha! Yipee!

Well, I knew of this thing way before pa. This is the only time I had the chance to blog about it. haha!^_^

Note: Got this pic from Julia Aquino

What is Caduceus?

2008-06-14T14:32:00.000+09:00

It was only more than a year ago did I realize that I do not use and manage my time properly. There are more things to do in such short time. Well, of course, I can just bum around in my room and watch TV (which really will make you fat!) OOORRR be active! I decided to do the latter . Fortunately, after some ironic twist of fate, I was introduced to Tahilan and later to UP Caduceus and I am wholeheartedly grateful to be part of a group that not only aims to serve others who are in need but also a venue to holistically improve myself.

I got this from the multiply site:

What is Caduceus?
Caduceus is an organization for students and young professionals intending to or already working in the medical or paramedical field. Caduceus’ vision is perfectly grasped by its motto, “Sapite, Servite”, which means “Be wise and serve.” The basic idea is to provide a venue by which these students and professionals can offer their talents and energies to the service of the public, whether by dissemination of information or by outreach programs and fund-raising activities. Currently based in, and working with, Tahilan Residence and Study Center and with members belonging to the University of the Philippines Manila and to the De La Salle University, Caduceus plans to branch out in the future by establishing chapters in other universities. At present it is accredited as an organization by the University of the Philippines Manila.

So visit our Multiply account and help us help others who are in need!^_^

There's Something about Ely.

2008-04-10T09:19:00.000+09:00

Ely Buendia is a living legacy. His songs rocked us out of the music industry's lethargy and has given us new and vivid songs of a different taste. His original band, Eraserheads, has achieved more than any other OPM band could have. The unbelievable impact they had on the society, especially the youth and music lovers, is really tangible to the point where even their lyrics are quoted and given as advice to different sorts of problems.
It's funny how deep their influence has gone. Even now, when I listen and think about their songs, I get a slight pang of pain in my chest. I say it's broken heart syndrome. Their disbandment has caused so much chaos, in me at least. Even more so when I heard he had a heart attack! He was too young to have a heart attack. Yes, I should know that sickness chooses no age. But whatever! I could not accept the fact that Ely Buendia, the musician, the rockstar had a heart attack! I wanted to go to the LivEly concert but I was too ashamed. I only had my weekly allowance to donate. Hmmm..
Of course, we're all glad that he lived to perform on stage again. He's in Pupil already when he had the attack. Anyway, I loved the songs of Pupil. It is like listening to masterpieces. The lyrics, melody, are the kinds I dig. The meaning has evolved, too. They are talking about the environment, the society. (As compared to talking about hitting the beach?.. hmm..)
That's why I was so ecstatic when I heard his voice while my friends and I were walking through the overpass in Greenhills. I was so excited I asked them to watch first before we eat! (See, I saw on TV that they were performing at the parking lot there, but I didn't catch the date. So it was only a PRET-TY GOOD coincidence that we were there that night.)
We were really having fun except for Ely. (Well, this is only based from my own observation. I don't really know the story.) Ely was performing, that he was. But he didn't look like he was having fun at all which was so sad because I thought musicians loved performing and that their passion about their profession should be obvious. But where was the fun? Where was the passion?
It sucks. For their last song, he tried asking the audience what they wanted them to play. He goes (this is not verbatim), "Anong kanta gusto niyo?"
The crowd shouts.
"Hindi ko.. ..maintindihan."
The crowd still shouts.
"Isa-isa lang..."
The crowd still shouting.
"Isa-isa lang.."
Until they decided to play Pare Ko.
I don't know what happened there but that was how he was on stage. A band member then admits they were not prepared for the gig. It was fine, really. They didn't need practice to perform lively, right?
They say Ely's a little bit cranky because he is still boxed in the Eraserheads mentality. The audience only remembers him as such. Hmm.. I wonder what's in his mind.
Oh well, his songs are still great, that can't be denied.

Pacquiao wins.

2008-03-16T13:01:00.000+09:00

He is the first Asian to win three different boxing titles. Mabuhay, Pilipinas!

Disappointed.

2008-03-07T08:45:00.001+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Aww, I really thought she was a nice person. I guess not. Too bad. She does have a pretty face after all. She would have been almost perfect if she we pretty inside, too. Who am I to judge? I don't know her personally anyway. Why do I care? Lolz. I don't know either. Hope papa God helps her.

Alarming Picture.

2008-03-07T03:25:00.000+09:00

"The UP will be a superfluous adornment to the country if it exists simply for the selfish benefit of those who enjoy its advantages. It will fail utterly unless it stimulates an effective and well-distributed social service; unless it raises the standard of living for all the people; unless it promotes the general comfort and happiness without making a privileged class who enjoys a monopoly of the so-called "good things in life;" unless it idealizes the home as the chief cornerstone of civilization."
-Former UP President Guy Potter Benton

It's scary.

2007-11-29T02:49:00.000+09:00

I can not believe my life is frighteningly fine. My problem-free days have gone on and on and on that I can't even remember when it started.

Of course, I can still remember my last 'problem' and I do recall how hellish it was. In a way, I am proud of myself because I lived through it. (HAHA! Parang ang laki ng problema eh.)

Now that I think of it, I always had problems before because I relive and rethink all the mistakes I have done. It has been my habit to think about them before sleeping and before getting up. It is even what I daydream about. It was only then that I realize how trapped I was in the past. I was a sadist of sorts trying to put my life in order with painful memories as its foundation.

I have gained my life back and I realize, there's not much to it. Maybe that's the reason why I keep going back to my foolishness - because it breaks the monotony of my life. But that's just the old me speaking. My old and sadist me just can't accept the truth that I am happy.

I usually walk around the campus alone and sometimes, I feel this giddy urge to just run around like a child or to skip my way to my next class (yeah, I do these.). It leaves me so refreshed afterwards. It is as if I can be strong amidst all the strangers in the class. This state of non-problem has brought out the child in me.^_^

But I can't help being afraid. WHY ARE there no problems? I believe that life is a cycle. It is yin and yang in a localized way. If there is health, there is illness. When there is money, there is poverty. And when there is happiness, there surely is sorrow.

I'm afraid of the hurt and pain that will hit me come the next cycle. I hope it's not that bad. Magprepray na lang ako.^_^

I have nothing to say

2007-11-27T16:23:00.000+09:00

I found a new hobby. I found the best view ever. I found the blankness so interesting.

It is one of God's masterpieces. An obra maestra of sorts. The perfection of every little thing. Even up to the silence.

It has got me hooked up. Winning me over and capturing my for-Sir-Li-smile.

I won't see it tomorrow. It is blocked from that day's angle. But on thursday, I will see it again. Someday, I'll get the courage to get closer and appreciate it even better.^_^

Philippines

2007-11-21T10:42:00.000+09:00

I came across Carla's blog here on multiply and I have this sudden urge to unleash the 'iska' in me.

She says: "on a deeper thought, have you ever thought this point in time that the end of the world is drawing near? i mean, it's just pretty darn obvious because of the fact that a lot of terrible things are happening especially to our country. if not "the end of the world" then, we might encounter an event that would break the country- total chaos, some kind of a "war". call me crazy, but i feel bad things are about to happen. the G2 explosion, Saguisag accident, the girl who killed herself because of poverty, the Congress Bombing-- these are just some examples of terrible things that just recently have occurred. and analysts are talking of a financial tsunami that would hit the country and leave a big damage. when you think about it, the country is somewhat in a state of "anarchy", full of mishmash and disarray. the day when we as a nation are able to survive from this, we can only wonder."

I agreed: "It's like the series of 'unfortunate' events are telling us something. We are in a state of anarchy because we no longer care. People are still caught up with their own little lives that they don't see the bigger picture. Their will be no 'little lives' if we continue living like this. Yes, we see the things going on around us but do we do anything about it? No. Not really. That is the sad part."

We are selfish people. (Yes, you can say 'speak for yourself' but just try to read and understand). When we wake up in the morning, what do we do? Do we pray? If we pray, do we pray for the people who are also waking up or do we only pray for another happy day ahead?

When we get stuck in traffic, do we curse each and every other people around who are causing your delay? Do we not realize that maybe there was an accident and that someone out there could already be dead? No, we don't think that.

This is because our lives and our thinking only goes as far as at most 4 feet radius. We no longer see other people's problems because we think we have too much on our plate already. We have too much issues going on in our lives that we forget what is truly important.

We do not cooperate with other people thinking that you only have yourself to depend on. There are no more neighbors, no more 'bayanihan'. I had the privilege, together with other isko's and iska's, to hear our very own historians say what they have in mind about our country. They say we are in the period of postmodernism when people no longer think as a citizen of the Philippines but as citizens of the world. Thus, they say. it does not matter if our nurses work for Americans or Japanese or their fellow Filipinos because they are working for the whole human race. This is soooo wrong. The Filipino First Mindset is what we should have and that is what I am sticking with. My devotion starts with reading Filipino works first before others.

This goes the same with the government. The politicians are too preoccupied with filling coffers before their term ends that they forget what their true duties are. Citizens are also to blame. They think that voting is too much of a hassle so they just avoid it. OR they think that the candidate who gives the most 'pakurong' (bribe) is the most deserving (because they benefited more).

I admit, I am ashamed of myself. Who am I to talk about these things when I myself have not yet registered to vote and I have done nothing but write and rant about these social and political ills.

Point is, you, who are not, should be aware of the problems. Maybe then we can move on to acting.

3 genders of human race?

2007-11-21T10:07:00.000+09:00

I was listening to our lecture on Ecology and we touched the topic of genders of organisms. The professor began by saying that there are other organisms with 5 genders. He said (not verbatim), "So you think we are more advanced? No. We have three (3) genders but they have five."
Oh my! We have three genders?!
Now that I think about it, maybe it was just a slip of the tongue that he didn't realize.
If that were not the case, it would have been really groundbreaking to find out about having a third gender even if it came from a very credible source. What's more is that scholars themselves are recognizing these changes.
If it were not a slip of the tongue that went unnoticed, then shouldn't there be FOUR genders?
Maybe it really was just an absent-minded mistake. Hmm..

*Uhm, I meant no offense. It was just a little fast to register on my itsy bitsy brain. Gender is totally different from gender preference, that I'm sure of.^_^*

Kung ang buhay ko ay isang drama, ikaw ang atribida!

2007-11-08T05:36:00.000+09:00

My sisters, being as they are, would usually butt in on my plans of, uh, practicing my social skills (which is really important if I want to be a doctor! I promise!), and retort something disapproving in front of our parents like, "Bakit ka pa lalabas? Labas ka na nang labas." or "Ayaw mo pa lang lumabas eh, eh 'di 'wag ka nang lumabas."

Whenever I get the feeling that I'm losing this battle of badgering, I always say, "Kung ang buhay ko ay isang drama, ikaw ang atribida!"

This actually works because the the first and only times I've used it, my sisters could not form witty comebacks. It was such a great feeling knowing that in their heads, they're still trying to come up with anything that will be as funny and as creative and as strong as my line! I even had Mama laughing which is very elating considering the fact that I truly have only one appreciative audience when it comes to being 'un'-funny -- myself.

I don't really know where I got that line. Maybe the teledramas Mama insisted on watching (even if we were the first one to use the TV) rubbed off on me. My mom is grown-up. She's 50+ years old and she already five kids. You would imagine her to be mature and all that a mom should be. They'd say moms would even sacrifice a little for the sake of their kids. Mama is all that, yes she is.

But when it comes to her Isay, that freakishly korekorekok Kokey and other drama series, she becomes someone younger than us! She becomes a whiny Maggie Simpson! (Imagine that!) "Isay na! Isay na! Ilipat niyo naaa!" When we don't change the channels, she'd manually change it as if we weren't there! So for us to watch what we want, we have to wait for her to fall asleep. The tricky part here is, you should be as quiet as a mouse. Else, she'll wake up and say "Nanonood pa akoooo..." in that tiny voice.

Sometimes it's cute. Sometimes, it's just not funny anymore. But a mom is a mom. My mom is My mom. I still love her for whatever.^_^

Reading Glasses

2007-11-07T16:51:00.000+09:00

I went out today to get new glasses because Ikea, our big black labrador retriever (who chews on anything when she gets frantically bored), broke my old 'emo', as Allas commented, ones.
It sure is funny how optometrists make you read those letters from afar twice (you know, to gauge your eyes' condition) - once with the right eye and once with the left. (Wait, I'm getting to it!)
So let's say you've read the 2nd row of letters with the right eye. The optometrist closes off that one and moves to the left. He/She asks you again to read the 2nd row of letters. Even if I can't sctually read it, the familiarity of the letters will make it clearer than it really is! So what's the point of making me read it again? I can lie and recite those four letters without really seeing it or I can feel stupid and say I don't know the letters at all! I still don't know which is better and I have been visiting optometrists since I was 12!
Maybe I could explain to them the trouble they present to their patients when they let them do this. But then we'd be going on and on and on and it'd be too tiresome.

Anyway, this is my last non-class week. Sembreak will be over in only a couple of days. I need to get ready for my premonitioned most OC and GC semester ever. I can't wait for our recollection on Saturday. *Replenish, replenish*

Eating Marathon

2007-10-22T18:33:00.000+09:00

October 22, 2007 Menu

Hotdogs with ketchup for breakfast. I tried HARD not to eat rice. So to compensate, I ate bread. (Way to go, Monica!)

Kicaco's Strawberry Vanilla for brunch. I was missing Lee-Anne a bit and I remembered how much she loved this. What the heck, right? Cheers, bading!

Two servings each of Alpha's well known indian mangoes and guava. I love visiting my memory lane. Rodz and I retold stories (funny stories mostly - signature Rodz) of how we hung out there with palamig and 'banana cheese?' (Those pairs long tubes of purely synthetic cheese. Naku! How we cant get enough of them!)

Back in Kicaco, we ate, ehem, Mexican cheesesticks. I never really appreciated salsa until recently. (When we went to El Pollo Loco because it was mentioned in Rush Hour 3! He-he.) I wanted pasta but I I know I should not.

We hung out in my room after. We brought in candies, onion ring snacks, mini loaf bread and cheese and peanut butter spreads. Papa also welcomed us with Greenwich Pizza. (That square pizza with 4 different flavors? What's that called again?) We chowed almost all of it down in between chismis and corny joke. Well, not for Rodz' case. As for Jai, Sy and me, well, you know how funny we are, right? Let's just say, the MeSoCorny Shirt fits the three of us.

So much for trying to refrain from eating too much!

Oho! It doesn't stop there. After my friends left, I stayed in my parents' room with my Papa. He went out for a while and guess what he brought inside? V-cut.

Come on! Can you, guys, take pity on big fat me? Being the glutton that I am, I snatched it and opened it at once. I approached my Mama as I munched through that sinful and unhealthy dinner. My Papa followed with two bags full of junk! V-cut, Piattos, Mr. Chips, Dewberry (Red and Blue), Milky Knots, Berry Knots, etc!

The marathon, clearly, is not over yet.

With the three of us combined, the V-cut had no chance. Papa picked Potato Chips while I grabbed the Milky Knots.

Monica: Andami na nating nabuksan!
*Papa mixes Vcut with Potato Chips.
Papa: O ayan, eh 'di dalawa na lang.
Monica: Haha!
Mama: *munch* *munch*

By this time, I really was too full. My tummy was about to burst! My solution: Hot tea. I quickly went back to brew the Monkey tea leaves. Monkeys in China were said to have been trained to pick just the right leaves for this tea. I quickly filled the cup for Mama and Papa and told them (AGAIN) the benefits of drinking tea (JUST TO GET THEM TO REMEMBER).

The marathon ends here at least for today. What can I say, we are a family of big appetites and slow metabolisms.

I really have to stick to a diet (or at least healthy eating habits). Tsk.

*As I press the Save & Publish button, Ate Bern, who just came in from Manaoag, enters the room and asks: Asan 'yung junk food? Point made.

Zach Braff's Love Triangle

2007-10-22T00:18:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Zach Braff and Donald Faison, both doctors in the comedy show Scrubs, profess their love for one another - in a 'totally manly way'.

Note: If you don't watch Scrubs, this may not be familiar. It still is fun to watch though.^_^

FYI:
Zach Braff also stars in movies like Garden State and Last Kiss. For anime fans, it is interesting to point out that he also dubbed for Kingdom Hearts II (English version, of course) He also dubbed Chicken Little's voice in the so-named movie. He has also made guest appearances in the TV series Arrested Development.

Donald Faison, on the other hand, is known for acting in teen flicks like Can't Hardly Wait, Clueless and Uptown Girls. He is also in New Jersey Drive, Academy Boyz and Big Fat Liar. He has also made appearances on Felicity and Clueless.

These comedians will back down on nothing just to hear their audience laugh.

And oh, I recently watched Braff got PUNk'd with Faison as the accomplice. Nice work, Faison. Apir! LOL.

And this here is Zach Braff's 'third party'. Oh my, look how twisted their love story could get! (Right.) Who do you think is more in love?
(or obsessed)

From the Makers: Someone had to say how great Zach Braff is. We here at The Super Secret Project decided to take the liberty. And yes, we screwed up his middle name. Get over it.

Frightening Jessica

2007-10-20T19:02:00.000+09:00

I first got acquainted with Jessica Zafra when I read her published works compiled in Twisted (I knew about her from way before but this was the last I most remembered.)

Truth is, she frightens me. She could bleed me with her straight to the point sarcasm and unbelievably hilarious metaphors. Good thing we will never cross paths because, may God forbid, I will surely faint right in front of her and she'd stepped on me as if she was passing on empty concrete. (That's just me exaggerating. He-he).

I saw her 'blog' online and I can't stop reading her work. It has now been a staple. I always end laughing by myself. I can not do justice on featuring her and I will not even dare. I just want to share her brilliance and hope that you learn a thing or two from her because I sure did.

If you're tired of reading the same old blog entries about how days went and what nots, then watching Jessica as she rules the universe will really be a treat - for our longing-for-intellectualism mind and its need-to-be-improved imagination.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!^_^

Heaven, Hell, Earth

2007-10-19T20:00:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I received a message last night that goes like "Kung iisipin natin, lahat tayo gustong pumunta sa heaven pero ayaw nating mauna."

It's quite true. We all want to reach heaven but we do everything to avoid it. I guess we are thinking wrongly. We don't want to reach heaven. We just don't want the alternative - hell - where we would suffer unimaginable punishment for all our sinful deeds.

Who in their right mind would choose the fiery hell over the peaceful heaven for their eternal lives?

Hinduism has a god of destruction, Shiva. I'm not sure about this because I don't personally know anyone with this religion but based from what I've learned in school, Shiva is worshipped because they fear what could happen if they did otherwise.

In some way, we act in the same manner with our attitude towards reaching heaven. We try to be good here on Earth because we are afraid of burning forever in the underworld.

So kung iisipin natin, lahat tayo gustong pumuntang Heaven pero kung bibigyan tayo ng choice, mas gugustuhin natin sa Earth. Hehe!

*Note: Some may say that they'd never want to live forever and that living would have no purpose if there were no heaven, and other such counterarguments (because I myself am arguing with this entry.) So just take this less spiritually and more 'carefree-ly' (if that's possible).^_^

Why, Orange and Lemons??

2007-10-18T08:56:00.000+09:00

I just heard the news yesterday that the uber creative and potentially phenomenal Orange and Lemons disbanded. It's shocking and saddening to learn that the band who gave PBB fanatics the popular Pinoy Ako (which received controversy that I don't really care to hear) - who gave us the soothing tunes of Heaven Knows and Abot Kamay - who gave the classics a modern twist - who made TV commercials more audience-oriented - is no longer a band.

I wished they would have lasted longer. They were brilliant musicians and their group were pioneers of what was to be emulated by other bands like the bloomfields.

I guess all is destined to end. I guess I just have to remind myself that bands may break up but the musicians in them will never leave.

Kudos to Orange and Lemons. Tuloy lang.

My Music For the Break

2007-10-17T10:38:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

School's out and there's so much to do! In less than a month, we're going back to school. We have to make the most of every minute!

And what am I doing? Reminiscing the past, again! I am updating my mp3 with outdated songs. Even when the time's have obviously changed, I still go back to the time when the music is just relaxing, comforting and nostalgic.

There are just too much musical genres to choose from. And from a genre, innumerable artists arise. So where do we start?

I myself had a hard time trying to figure out what songs to choose. I decided that I have to dig in the 90's and songs that makes my heart shout so loud. I am so happy with what I have retrieved. I can't get enough of my songs now!

Here are some:
Dan Wilson & Bic Runga - Good Morning, Baby

I got this from the American Pie soundtracks. It's very soothing and I like the poetry and directness of its lyrics.

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

This song was used in the movie Cruel Intentions. It's rhythm is simple. The added classical feel makes it more appreciated. Fact: This song never got a dime from its sales because they were sued for not asking permission for the symphony used.

Augustana - Boston

Given the right mood at the right time, this song can truly make you cry. The piano keys can really reach down your gut and just make you want to release all the pain and anger. This is not from the 90's though.

Ben Folds Five - Brick

It is a story about a couple who knows its time to part ways. It's cold and emotional. The lyrics is easy to follow, too.

Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree

This is a delineation from the mood I've picked to list down in this entry. Just so you wont leave my blog with a sad and heavy heart, I give you this video. Lemon Tree is an easy song and I wanted to add this here because its one of the oldest songs I can remember really enjoying.

Taste in music varies from one person to another. It is, however, uncommon for totally different people to meet and realize their similarities in music. Hope to meet you, stranger.^_^

Dear Kim! - Sembreak

2007-10-17T08:14:00.000+09:00

It's been more than half a day since my school duties have all been accomplished. I thought I would be in the province hanging out in Kicaco, coffee-shop-slash-second-home, with my friends and others. I can't wait to bloat my already spacious stomach with a longed for Alfredo and uber sweet Toffee Nut White Mocha with an added whip of sinfully fattening cream.
I want to hit the beach and feel my melanocytes work industriously. I want to climb a mountain and view what that great Filipino writer from Rosales wanted to see. I want a cold breeze and a hot sun and a soft pillow. I want loud music and overflowing booze. I want a house party and stand up comedy.
I wish my parents were already here so I can go home.

Starlight, Starbright, Stardust.

2007-10-15T23:29:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

It is amazing how a star can be so innocent and pure.
What star wouldn't be?
Yep, I watched Stardust. Its trailer never really made me think I'd like it but after all the positive and encouraging feedbacks I got from those who did, I dared to give it a shot.

I liked Claire Danes' role. It was so sweet and uncalculating. So innocently forward and true to oneself. The star that fell down from the vast and dark sky. Her professing of her love to a mouse! It was all so reminiscent of a dream. I wish I could have been more like her.

But that would never happen. Know why? Because I didn't grow up just watching other people's lives. I grew up and lived and felt and experienced all things good and bad.

If I had the chance to just watch, I could then be sweet and innocent and trusting.
That's not the case.

Oh, my entry's so dark. I just want to say, I loved Stardust.^_^

Socialist Philippines

2007-10-12T09:53:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I have never really put much thought about our society. How could I when I can't even put much thought on anything less?

But Looking Backward by Edward Bellamy made me. Although I haven't really read until the last pages, its foreword had enlightened me about how we, Filipinos, can rise from the slums our ancestors left us in.

Edward Bellamy was a lawyer who gave up his practice to pursue his passion - writing. He became an editor in a newspaper but he knew that wasn't the kind of writing he wanted. He wanted to write about his thoughts. So when he fell sick, he retired from his newspaper job to write literature. That's when he wrote Looking Backward. Because he had witnessed the social and political ills and because he had always vied for reforms, he wrote Looking Backward.

Looking Backward calls for socialism. The much yearned utopia of the American people, he said, will be achieved if equality reigned. His descriptions were vivid. His analogies were convincing. He said that society could be imagined as a coach. The horses pulling the coach are the poor people and the wealthy are on top of it. The driver is hunger who does not let the working people rest. They're making their way to a bumpy road that can unseat even the rich.

The poor people are working their lives to death just to avoid suffering from hunger. The rich, meanwhile, are sitting there trying so hard to cling to the coach fearing they might fall. If they do, they would lose the benefits of being on top of the coach. They would become workers, themselves. And the workers pulling on the coach would try to take that fallen man's place. The ablest would win. At long last, he does not have to worry about hunger. The sad part is, he has forgotten about the other working men because he is so preoccupied with clinging to his seat.

He does not try to help them because he knows their isn't enough space for all of them in the coach and even if there were, who would keep them moving?

I can clearly see the Philippine society in this setting. I think socialism is very much appropriate for us. Imagine losing all the capitalists and following the middle way. Everyone will live as they were supposed to live - not as workers or as the elite but as a human beings able to appreciate life and all of its comforts.

Of course, our capitalists will oppose this but we have to sacrifice for the welfare of everyone. We have got to stop thinking only for ourselves but for our fellow Filipinos. We need to stop the tycoons from gobbling all the resources up.

Just think of what it will do. If we were to embrace socialism, the door of possibilities will open wide.

-.- Desperate Housewives -.-

2007-10-11T08:32:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.
I've been wanting to speak my piece about the very controversial Desperate Housewives slur against the Filipinos. I didn't have time, then. Now that I do, I would like to opine on the matter.

Desperate Housewives has been one of the funniest and most interesting TV series. You will never almost expect the twists and turns of the writers' plot. That is why this slur was also so unexpected, for my part at least. I didn't know that it even happened until my blockmate told me. I didn't get to watch that episode (if it were already shown here). So when she told me, I looked it up fast! And there was Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) citing out the lines. It was all over the news and everyone was appalled at this discrimination.

They were belittling our doctors. They were belittling the quality of education in our country! Yes, we know your Harvard and your Cornell is much more advanced than our University of the Philippines, etc. But that doesn't mean we are incompetent professionals. The Filipinos are proud of their alma mater and are very dedicated in what they do. I would not even be surprised if American doctors were outdone by Filipinos.

The scriptwriters should have been more careful about their writing. They do not know a thing about Filipinos. Maybe they have made conclusions based on something they've seen or heard in the news. But that point is moot. If they have only personally known a Filipino, they'd realize they just as smart as they are. Maybe even more. Filipinos value education. Filipinos study to get a decent job and stop the low quality of living. This strengthens our resolve to finish our studies knowing that we have trained ourselves well for our future jobs.

I have no idea what our doctors' situation there is. But with the uproar I heard, I bet DH's slur was unjustified. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

There was also this slur on the 30 Rock show about PGMA. I guess it was too witty to have been noticed. I guess it is a matter of opinions. Fashion is not dictated by Americans. We have our own culture and leave us be. You have done enough damage on us.

I can't say I will no longer watch DH and/or 30 Rock because I know I will.
There are still so much more 'action' to see with Americans and how they deal with their 'pretty' lives.

Babbling Old Witch! - The Glass Menagerie

2007-10-03T19:53:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

First things first. We got our internet connection back! Whoop-de-do!

I have to say that October's looking pretty nice.

I can't wait for sembreak to come!

I miss Lee-Anne. I wish she was here. Then we'd go surfing together!

I wish school's over but I have to endure one FREAKISH week before that!

Oh! Does eating too much candy make you perky???

I have to eat. My tummy's making noises already.

Thank God for all the wonderful gift He's been showering me today.

Oooh.. My perkiness is lifting already.

Eating.

2007-10-01T16:22:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I am eating my words

but what the hell!

My Last Entry About You

2007-09-11T21:13:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I am a strong person.
I will not cower nor give up.
I do not mean giving up on you. - I already have.
I have learned through my stupidity
and inability to see things the way they really are.
From now on, I will no longer talk about you.
I will never speak to you again.
I will never even waste my time thinking about the should have, would have and could have.
There will never be a second time.
I am fine with that now.
This is my closure.
I can't wait for karma to strike back at you.^_^
Scratch that, I am taking the high road.
He-he. (yeah, right)

This will be my last entry about you. Never again will I concern myself of you.
I am washing my hands off you.
Good bye.

I can't even imagine us being friends. And I can't believe I'm saying this but I am fine with that.
I don't know who to thank for this enlightenment - you or my friends.
Then again, why would I give you credit for anything?

Have a nice life!^_^

Running Away

2007-09-09T09:37:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

There are so many things running through my head right now. I don't know what to do. I just found out that my dream was true. I had a prophecy that you would be with someone else. Last night, you somewhat confirmed it.

My poorly mended heart is breaking again. I know there this time will come - when you, who has moved on right from the start, would meet someone who could take my place.

I knew this moment will come. I knew it even if I convinced myself otherwise. What I didn't expect was for it to be this fast. 5 freaking months was all you need?! It pains me a lot to realize that after all of my 5 sorrowful months of mourning for everything that was lost, after trying to feel happy after that impersonal night, after exhausting myself in school day after day after day just to forget the hurt, you're going to slap my gift in my face.

I gave you the gift because you were special. You even said that was the greatest gift you've ever received. That was my sweet memory. When all's said and done. That is still my memory. That was mine. And you are going to use MY IDEA for your new girl?! How dare you? How can you do this to me? We have known each other for four years and I never thought you, of all people, can do such a disrespectful and insensitive thing to me.

I looked up to you even when you said all those nasty things about me. I looked up to you even when you broke my heart without giving me any valid reason. I looked up to you even when you thought so low of me. Now that I have seen every side of your personality, I don't know what to think of you anymore.

But I still love you.

You are still my source of contentment. You are still my invisible companion. You are still my comfort zone. You still make me feel happy.

I saw the masking tape on the back of my I.D. It says 143 NANI. I never saw it until this Wednesday morning. All throughout that day, I wore my ID proudly. I would feel the rough tape on my finger and feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. No one mattered anymore. Everything seems of so little importance. I felt how it was like when we were still together.

It was the dawn of Friday when I had the horrible premonition. You were with someone. Your new love. I woke up crying. I didn't know then what I'd do if it were true. Now that it's more real, I am more at loss. I still don't know what to do.

I am in pain. I wish it could be cured by paracetamol or what not. But it's worse than that. I'm in pain and only you can ease it.

I am not demanding that you love me back. Because even if I am insanely in love with you, I know that I can't hocus pocus you to love me too. I just want closure. I at least deserve that from you. I never had that last April. I never had that last night. I want you to tell it straight to my face. I want you to tell me that you have seen someone else. I want you to tell me that you are in love with another girl. I want you to tell me that you are no longer in love with me. I want you to tell me all the things I am still doubtful of.

Then maybe I can stop hoping that the gift you're getting is still for me.

I still love you. But I can consider you 'the one who got away', if only you yourself could tell me.

We need to talk.

We Have a Dog Named IKEA

2007-08-26T23:47:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

My sister brought home a dog today.
A four month old Black Lab who's everything but gay
Her fur is shiny and she's seems healthy
But she's so darn shy she won't even walk properly.
She has this piercing gaze and a long black snout
that she usually uses to give us a dog version of pout
I hope she outlives all the other dogs we've had
And it would be nice to see her so big and fat
One thing I don't really like about her
is the name she has given by my sister
It's irritating to hear the furniture shop
being addressed to a freaking pup!

I Saw An Old Woman Spit In The Mall

2007-08-24T09:37:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I saw a woman spit in the mall
I looked her in the eye and she still stood tall
She was 5 foot flat or less
With a face that scared me sh*tless
She was a 'manang' in every sense of the word
The one who seems to care for her every herd.
With the usual clothes her age usually wear:
A very long skirt and a top my age would never dare.
The lady was standing next to a bunch of kiosks.
Not to buy anything but was she looking for a toss?
She looked like she was waiting for someone
And maybe her spit had to come undone
Because right then and there in the middle of the mall
She spit her icky saliva and still stood tall.

A Thing Not to be Read

2007-08-04T08:45:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

There always this time of the month when everything you've tried to suppress and forcibly push away comes haunting your every waking and thinking moment. It is hard to stay carefree and cheery if you're mind is so much preoccupied with 'what if's' and 'i hope's'.

We have to let it out. We have to stop suppressing the things needed to be felt and embraced. That way, we stop the hurt. That's what I read in Tuesdays with Morrie. (BUT I STILL DO NOT know how this thoughtful deed could be done effectively.)

What if I were not that much of an ass?
What if I let you do your stuff your own way?
What if I backed down and let you handle the things the way you think it should be handled?
What if I remained content with what you offered?
What if I kept my mouth shut long enough to hear what you were saying?
What if I conquered my paranoia?
Would you still be here?

I hope someday you'll realize that I am still that person you thought I was.
I hope that you will come to your senses and call me up.
I hope there is still even at least one good memory that can make you go back.
I hope that my happiness will come back.
I hope that someday I'll understand your thinking.
I hope that you give us another chance.
I hope that I get over you.
I hope that I can find the same happiness I had with you in other people.
I hope you'll text back when I ask how you are.
I hope that someday, not later than this lifetime, that you can come to forget the sordid past and remember the laughter, the intimacy, the long conversations about the deepest and shallowest things.

I long for the boy who has made me feel content at 17 years. The boy who made me feel good about myself. The boy who has made me smile amidst the strangers around me. The boy who has thought so well about me.

I was soaring high. Now I realize, it was all too good to be true.

I'd risk everything for that feeling again.

Lessons are learned. I have changed. For you.

How I miss you.

I miss you, evil_genius.

I am an OK-OK.^_^

2007-07-22T23:11:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I'm releasing my inner 'awk-awk'.

At last, I have reverted back to the old me (at least the old me after high school). I am proud to release the INNER AWK-AWK in me! *big CLAP*

Awk-awk = ok-ok = oc-oc = Obsessive compulsiveness. Get it?

You all know the technical meaning of this, uh, disorder. OCD, as what the National Institute of Mental Health says, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, 'is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions).'

When I think of OCD, The Monk (among many) always comes into mind with his weird ways of going about his investigations.

That's the true OCD.

But I am using it in a different context. In UP context, ok-ok is the disposition of a student who seems to be caught up in detail. In a way, an ok-ok person is a perfectionist. He/She wants everything well laid out. It is as if he/she wants not only to excel academically but aesthetically as well.

I met a lot of people I consider ok-ok. I don't think it'd be taken as a compliment but I did learn a lot from them.

A good friend of mine had Arnis as her P.E. I was so impressed when I saw her Arnis bag intricately designed with circles with a gradient pink color. She said she made it with cross-stitch threads and glued them together string by string! I was so amazed that I blurted out 'Ang ok-ok!' She looked at me as if she was insulted. So, I don't really know.

Being ok-ok is fine with me. In fact, I am joyously bathing myself with the idea. I never once did anything creative or effort-oriented that I deemed unnecessary. When my classmates' books are covered with colorful papers, mine is bare. I never even had pity to cover it with plastic! Also, I'd only write my surname just to avoid losing it. IT saves time and effort. I never cared to write anything more.

Maybe because I learned more about myself, I learned how to accept who I am. I knew somewhere deep down that I am as ok-ok as anyone could be. So yes, I am a proud ok-ok. And I hope my creative juices will be sufficient for the whole college years.

Although my books are still not plastic covered, their original covers are still intact.^_^

The Master of Nothing

2007-07-13T09:17:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

It has been a while since my last update. There were just too many things I needed to finish in school. The toxicity level almost went up as high as, uh, an overdose of an effective 'depressant'. It was like trying to keep my head afloat the fast current. But a big YAY! I survived.

First things first, my sister topped eight in the recent Pharmacy Licensure Exam. (Like, yeah so?) HAHA!

That's a 5-minute standing ovation for her! We were all so happy and so ecstatic. She was still so high on it when it started wearing off on me but it was her day so I was not going to kill her joy.^_^ My parents went to visit us that weekend (the results got out last Friday?).

We went to visit our mom's friend and our lola (actually our lolo's sister). Everywhere we'd go, my mom would always talk about how Ate Avi's topped the the boards and start sharing her story. Sometimes the story's all mixed up but that's just our mom. She has the tendency to do that. It adds to her charm!^_^

Maybe the only thing I don't like about the news is that now my mom's so fixed about me taking MedTech Boards! Argh. Now the pressure is on me.*_* I don't want to take that freaking exam. It's scary. (Yeah, so what if I'm a scare-dy cat?) And he's going to take that, too. I think.

Anyway, I still have 3 more years to work on that. So I'll be chilling for the meantime.

So there's something that's been bugging me for quite a while now - okay, so maybe 3 days.
The fact that I don't know which is better among the following gives me the creeps.

1. Being a jack of all trades yet a master of nothing or
2. To be a master of one thing but ignorant of anything else.

I once said in my previous post that I want to be the 'medieval' character or, as what Freddie Prince said in his show, a renaissance woman. I want to be good at everything. But I also said in my other posts, that I want to be known in a certain field. I want to be an instigator of something radical that will be my legacy.

I want to have the best of both worlds. I want to do those two in this lifetime. But I can't help thinking that successful people didn't really have the first. They were too absorbed with their only 'hobby' and didn't have time for others. And I think that is the reason why they are so darning successful.

I haven't had time to really ponder on this. But so far, I have yet to reconcile this with my plans and dreams.

Argh, I'm twisted. *At least I am not talking about him anymore, huh?*

I Don't Get Stronger.

2007-06-29T22:13:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

It's friday night! Whoopdee-doo!

In order to pull myself from the mess Kuya Mot has indirectly gotten me into, I readily agreed to hear the Wednesday mass offered for St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei.

Prayers really do make miracles. I was cured of the obsession for the remaining days of this week. I never really appreciated how influential and comforting hearing mass was.

Now I do.^_^

In relation to our then topic, orientalism in the society, our history professor made us watch an underground commercial film (or maybe it was just an old movie). It was titled "M Butterfly" which was based on a play Madame Butterfly.

The movie was set in China around 1960's after the Frenchmen lost to China's defense. Basically, a French diplomat fell in love with a Chinese opera singer who, in the end, turned out to be a spy for the Chinese communists. To make the story more twisted, the spy was not a woman but a homosexual! Tough luck for that naive Frenchman. The movie ended with the European killing himself as he performed the play he saw his so-called 'butterfly' portray in front of his seventy plus cell mates.

I loved being exposed to such films. It makes me feel so small. Eagerness to achieve more than what I can grasp now overwhelms me. I can't wait to soar.

Some readings:
The New Dress by Virginia Wolf: It talks of how uncomfortable the protagonist is about braving the norms. It shows how ugly (even if just on the inside) ordinary people can get when they are placed in awkward situations.

I shamefully admit that I can somehow relate to the main character. I was a judgmental know-it-all who needed some good old boxing in the ears. Now, I have come out of it. And though I'm still a little bit afraid to hit the other line bordering the social norms, I'm doing the best I can.

Smaller and Smaller Circles by Felisa H. Batacan: It's a novel about a serial killer lurking the Payatas Area in Quezon City who targets boys 13 to 14 years of age. He/She neatly removes the heart, then the internal organs. He/She also peels of the kids' faces by cutting just under the chin, from ear to ear. The experts working on them are Jesuit priests and NBI was portrayed as an innately justice-oriented government agency who just happens to be occupied by attention-and-fame-greedy people.

I have not finished reading the story yet but I can say, as far as to what I have read, that it is nice to have this kind of literary work available to Filipino readers. After all the Nancy Drew stories, all the Detective Conan shows, all the Crime/Suspense and CSI cases, comes Smaller and Smaller Circles - a Filipino original. (Although, a few parts reminded me of Dan Brown and others).

This novel is something we, Pinoys, should be proud of. We are also getting bigger and bigger. Just like a seed that does not grow into a tree overnight, Philippines still need some watering and a cheerful song to back her up.^_^

Corny, Mushy, Eeky.

2007-06-24T22:04:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

In order to keep my too-hectic-I-don't-know-what-to-do schedule on track:

I will be posting and checking my blog only during weekends.

I will finish all school works first before making shirts.

I will have to lessen my TV time!*_*

I have kept you in the back of my mind for a very long time. I tried to suppress the feelings. I did my best to stop them from showing.

Everything's all coming back now. I don't know what to do. Should I scare you away with my intensity? Or should I leave you be with me not knowing if you even remember me?

I am still in pain but I'm trying to be satisfied with what you've chosen to give and not to give me.

That's your choice and I have to live with it.

You don't want drama. I don't either. This may look like drama. But it's not.

*sigh*
*_*

The Truth About Caring

2007-06-23T22:38:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I can't remember where or when I heard this but the frank and bare truth it revealed struck me so fast and hard.

"We care for people who care not because we are overflowing with noble intentions of attaining World Peace but because of the conscious or unconscious knowledge that they make our lives noticed."

We are living in a jampacked place with everyone having their own say and their own sense of importance. We are only an itsie bitsie part of a humongous puzzle and our significance is not readily seen much less appreciated.

Imagine what would happen if everyone could be just an island. What would happen if solitude was the better option for living?

We care for people who care because they make us feel important. They make us feel as if we are worth being noticed and that our lives can make a difference and leave a mark.

If you are able to live without interaction, then your life would not be remembered. Your will be erased from history. No one will ever know you existed. No one will learn from your mistakes. Your life would have then been useless. If this were the case, you should not have lived at all.

Like what my friend quoted from I'm-not-sure-where, "Six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes all you need is one."

There are times when one person is enough to make you feel you are worthy of living. That one person is your diary. That one person will remember your thoughts, opinions, ideals, and mere memories. You will not be forgotten. He/She will learn from your mistakes.

Amidst all the other people who don't know you and will never care about you is that one person willing to share your story to others who'd listen.

In the end, your life will outlive your body. The body will decay but your memories will be salvaged - kept safe by the persons who care.

The Blade Inside.

2007-06-22T22:56:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Robinson's Place Ermita will never be the same again.

Much has been said and done in its irregularly constructed corners.

Memories haunt me as I walk on it's territory.

Mocking me with it's activities I was never aware of.

The hands that hold show me what I lost.

The intimate smiles condemn me to sorrow.

An idle walk and a solo mind hurts me unendingly.

Burdened heart, forced happiness.

Erasing what could not be.

Living up to what I dreamed of.

The limits I once had have vanished.

Together with my treasure.

No longer will I care. No longer will I be afraid.

One chance is all I ask for.

No more mistakes. No more pretensions.

The feeling is raw.

And I'll leave it like that.

Just one more.

Hopefully, once more.

*_*

A day in June at UPM

2007-06-22T07:48:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Only one analogy could be very much appropriate for the overly tiring day I had in UP Manila trying to get myself enrolled.

UP Manila Enrollment:Amazing Race

Actually, any other reality shows where contestants try to get to their destinations as fast as they can are candidates. Since it was the first show that popped in my mind that day sitting in the CAS OCS office waiting for Mam Meng Montesames to entertain us, we'd settle with that.

My enrollment yesterday would not have been that difficult if only the College of Public Health had posted their list of 'shiftees' earlier than a day before enrollment and/or late registration close. Then again, I could not complain. Being accepted is more than enough consolation for that uh, afternoon exercise.

One thing that irks me and Gelian, a friend I've known since high school whom I asked to accompany me and who stayed with me until I finished (who ran, chased and wrangled the in-charge's with me), is the apparent disorganization of the system as a whole. The colleges have no care of each other's policies. They have their own ways of going about their enrollment. This means coming to a new college gladly carrying with you all the requirements informed to you by your former college is not the end. They'd tell you your papers are incomplete and that you have to obtain these from your previous college. Tough luck! Now, you have to return there and go back to the new one again.

One thing that makes UP Manila enrollment different from Amazing Race: The fact that Amazing Race gets you somewhere different all the time. In UP Manila, you'd truly master the way of finding new and shorter routes. Not because you like discovering uncharted territories but because you HAVE to. That's a skill we, UPM students, should be proud of.

Our feet would not have ached that badly, too, if only two colleges were concerned. But since second year students are still just taking GE subjects, we have to coordinate with a third college as well! We had to go and talk and plead for them to take us in and fix our papers for us. In the end, my fate still lies on the Information Management System's hands or uh, circuits?

It would have been easier if the colleges were near each other. But no. They say UP Manila is a small campus. Yes, it is. But they are forgetting that it is divided into two - CAS or the College of Arts and Sciences are located in Padre Faura while the rest are in Pedro Gil. And yes, we had to walk all the way because of the freaking third number 8 in our plate number. (It was Thursday.)

I'm not saying I had a very crappy day. In fact, Gelian and I shared so much laughter and stories that made it a little more worth our while. I even kept on telling her while we were on the run how much calories we have been burning and how fast walking is good for our health!

I really do hope my path to PH would be smoother than my entry. Then again, all will be well when Chem18 and 18.1 slots are available. ^_^

Changes. We all got to have them.

2007-06-19T07:02:00.000+09:00

Do you see the difference?

Mga Batchmates! Yearbook Update:

2007-06-17T08:01:00.000+09:00

Uy! in lieu of our yearbook's First (and hopefully LAST) Anniversary,
we would like to inform you that it is ready for PRINTING!
Whoopdedoo! hehehe..

ARTE ba? anyway, aun, ready for printing na ang yearbook.. The first
half of it actually. Kasi kulang pa ng: page sa mga lumipat na
batchmates natin, back cover, at ung nick ni guia.. mwah!

So para po dun sa mga di pa bayad, please pay na as soon as possible
para hindi na po masyadong madelay.. At dun sa mga nakabayad na,
patulong naman na singilin ung mga hindi pa nagbabayad.. Salamat po!
^_^

P.S.
Monte, sorry ngayon ko lang nabasa mga hinaing mo.. uhm, ayan na po
update.. Maganda naman siya so sana it's worth your wait.. Pakisabi
pasensiya na rin po sa parents mo, marami lang hassles. Pero ayan,
we've pushed through na rin sa wakas. *Patawad sabay luhod*

Ikaw rin charles..&_& mwah!^_^

Peace po sa lahat ng nainip at nagalit at nainis. Sana magandahan
kayo.^_^

Peace uli! mwah!

Visit My Other Multiply for Shirts!

2007-06-14T06:19:00.000+09:00

http://images.multiply.com/multiply/horizontal-headshot-badge.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width=300 height=112 wmode="transparent" FLASHVARS="user_id=beheard&enc=U2FsdGVkX1,3cqbDYXDSaNto8yF66wjifFDpSUmEUP9RNGZFvezaZNZDJlJ5Y.bMzp488NcOQLVpd,p6h9MPiPJVRVWeDZdWcWJY69AgHc99.,7jirmj5g==&env=PROD&base_uri=.com&badge_class=promote">

Sand, Water, Board.

2007-06-04T19:07:00.001+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Vacation is just at its peak!

Surfing in La Union is so much F.U.N.!!

For more pictures, visit me at monicapastoral.multiply.com

Rantings

2007-06-02T01:05:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Speaking one's mind is everybody's right. No one can and should tell you what and what not to say. This is the use of our free will and living would be completely insignificant if we deny ourselves the natural right to opinion.

We all have different points of view. All are equal and should be respected with the same degree.

This right, however, should always come in pair with a regulator. One should always examine the situation before actually commenting. This is where opinions differ. Some people just lash out without thoroughly thinking everything through. They just say what they want to say without realizing the consequences of their actions. They usually end up hurting not only the persons involved, but they themselves. They are too frank and too straightforward.

Others are too weak. These persons think. Yes, they can weigh the different sides of the story but they never really decide which side they are on. They'd rather agree on everything. They may point out and throw in a few points to further the cause but in the end, they really had no say. They just copied what others thought. I am not saying this is not a good thing. They might have been thinking of the same thing but has only actualized it after being exposed to others' ideas.

Others are perfect. I am not pertaining to never-wrong-always-right decision makers. I am speaking of the people who know how to decide all by themselves and are willing to make adjustments after a few effective outside influences. They may never be right, but at least they could be proud about being the one making the error and learning from it.

Nothing beats first-hand experience.

So who is who? I think I am a weak thinker. I usually agree on everything someone tells me. (Of course, only from those I look up to) I love establishing my beliefs based on what is effective for others. But then again, I still think I do have my own opinions for some things. So I could be a mix of the last two. I could also be too frank. That side of me, however, has been buried ages ago. She may haunt me once in a blue moon when I'm with my closest friends but that's the worst she can do.

I still think that the becoming of a young adult is the consequence of the parents' guidance - or lack thereof.

Ergo, I believe that a child's ability to establish his/her own beliefs is greatly, if not entirely, affected by how the parents brought him/her up.

I'm still confused. Did my parents do a good job?

Confusion Blurs My Mind

2007-06-01T00:15:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Bitterness - can we ever really avoid being bitter?

Can we really control what we really feel and turn the other cheek?

Can bitterness be curbed and directed to more productive actions?

Do people have the ability to just lay down their arms and move on?

Do we just give up on something we have invested so much on?

Being bitter is inevitable. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I should not be, I still am. So what do I do?

Do I cower? or fight?

I got tagged!

2007-05-22T07:01:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I got tagged by Mauwy so I have to list seven things about me. Yehey! More opportunities for vanity! haha! Kidding.

Okay, so the rules and mechanics of this chain:

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog! Let’s begin…

~7 Random facts about Monai~

7. At first, I didn't like my nickname Monai, even MonMon and Niknok. (grr) I took them as insults. But now, I think of them as endearments. So call me whatever you choose! As long as they're from the bottom of that part of the brain responsible for emotions wrongly associated with the heart.^_^

6. I am superficial. I don't know if superficial people are aware that they are. But I am. However, I know that there are deeper things we need in order to be truly living. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am superficial but I could also be deep. Is that weird?

5. In less than a year, I have almost shifted/transferred to 4 other courses. That's how undecided I am. There was my first course, Nursing, then I transferred to Dental Medicine (which is what I am currently taking). I wanted to get in Industrial Pharmacy, then Speech Pathology, and finally, Public Health. All in UP, of course. Hopefully, I'd find peace in Public Health. Then become a doctor.

4. I have numerous facades. I could be shy and timid and soft-voiced. I could be loud and boisterous! I could be angelic and sweet. I could be nasty and bad. I could be rakista/pankista-ish. I could be all scholarly and geeky. I could be corny and shallow. I could be serious and emotional. I could be clever. I could be stupid. I could be impulsive. I could be lazy or not. I could be flirty or boyish. I could be sexy or awkward. All these are ME. So when I say, I want to be me, I could be referring to any of these things. It is not role-playing. It is just who I am. I learned that this is normal. So commenting that I am not in my character is irrelevant. You may not just know me well enough.0_0

3. I always wanted to have a good singing voice. Unfortunately, I inherited the wrong genes. So I'm only stuck with a tuneless voice and a persevering attitude. I sing my lungs out even though everyone around me tells me to stop. I love music and no one can discourage me. Not even my own voice. Haha!

2. A friend called me a baby genius. Haha! This one's funny. He said I am childish yet wise when I talk. Five close friends and family members have said so, too. They say I think too old for my age. I take this as a compliment. At least I know what I am talking about. I also give good advice. (Although I can't say I myself follow them.) It makes me feel good about myself knowing that I have helped other people cope with their issues. It brings me closer to them, too.

1. I am not yet ready to be in a relationship. I may know a few deep things. But I am still immature and may be that is why it didn't work out. I may talk about the do's and don't's but I really don't have any clue. My mind can not control my feelings just yet. So, I'm sorry if I made it hard for you. *drama*

What a way to end the list! Whew! This was harder than I thought! haha! Here is my list. Now I'm going to tag: Joyce, Ate Lica, Paolo, Ate Chesca, LadyWhiteSpirit, XYRYX and Marijuana.^_^

Ipagpatuloy ang chain..0_0

Not tonight.

2007-05-16T21:16:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Tomorrow is our fourth and, hopefully (if we get exempted from the finals), last exam for the laboratory part of our summer course Zoology. I should be studying. I should be cramming my butt off trying to answer all questions in the manual. I should be finishing everything laboratory-ish - not sitting here in front of the computer making an unproductive entry about not studying for tomorrow.

I should be studying but I am not. Maybe it's because there are only tomorrow and friday before I go back to Pangasinan and finish some personal agenda. Maybe it's because there are only 4 school days left before summer classes are over. The things that keep me from studying are far from what I thought I prioritized - then.

Family is important. I should know that family should be up on my list. I am going to the premier state University not only because it offers quality education (and for personal development) but also because it is practically more affordable than others. Knowing this, I strive to graduate and get a high earning job to support my family. All these I do for them; but what would one do with all the education he/she has acquired if he/she has neglected or worse, forgotten, the reasons he has pushed so hard for it. Since my visit to Pangasinan is a family affair, it is only right for me to request for a few adjustments in school.

Psych10 in school taught us that life can be grouped into boxes where the different dimensions of your being lie. Their is family, love life, friends, school, work, and any other things you consider part of who you are. The course taught us that when in stress, you have to know that it is only one box in your polydimensional life that is 'temporarily' crumbling. If your love life sucks right now, that does not mean your whole life is ruined. You have other boxes to open and be grateful for. So when you get tired of School, why not try delving into, let's say, Internet?^_^

I love the saying 'Never let education interfere with your learning.' It holds so much ground that I could barely stop myself from laughing at my old self who thought that life is all about studying. I thought life revolved on constant studying for a far-off test. Now I realize that education is just a part of learning. There are many things we should be experiencing now. Life is too short to wait for graduation. It is even shorter to wait for retirement!

All things being said, I resolve not to study tonight. I will concentrate on my philosophies and hope that,once again, cramming will work it's magic tomorrow.

And oh! Want to earn money reading emails/advertisements? Click the banner on the sidebar. You get to earn money, in dollars, fast! Please do try!

Lipsticks for shallow people?

2007-05-15T20:26:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who wasamong the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945.

I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and children collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from diptheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own vomit because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating worms as they clutched a half loaf of bread purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity.

Source: http://Banksy.co.uk
>
Imperial War museum

Randomness^_^

2007-05-13T17:54:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Misery and Company

2007-05-11T02:06:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Misery loves company. I have been using this line for quite a while now and I realize that the meaning I used to associate with it is not what it really means.

I always thought that misery loves company in a sense that it wants others to feel miserable, too. They want someone to feel bad about something to make them feel normal and eventually accept that life really is like that.

That could be the meaning but I noticed that misery loves company still has a different meaning. Misery loves company does not necessarily mean that sorrow seeks for sorrow. It could mean the one gloomy person needs the company of others to heal the wounds. Letting the feelings run amok inside without the ability to speak out and show your real emotions is very stressful and could be fatal. That is why misery needs the company who can be all ears and sincerely, if not completely, understanding.

I guess both meanings can hold their ground. Misery loves company. But hey, so does everything else!^_^ Would you want to be happy alone?

Nah-uh. Not me.^_^

Medieval Woman

2007-05-07T21:07:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I am slowly learning what and how to prioritize things.

I am becoming proud of my study habits (or are they habits?) Before, I would almost never stop reviewing for the exams even if I have already gone through it a couple of times. I did this because I always thought that being from the province, I had to exert twice the effort city students did. I also thought that I would fail if I didn't. So studying was the main priority in my life.

Now, I realized that it was abnormal to do this. Normal students would go do other stuff after studying. They'd go out and have fun.

Now, I can go out and have fun without worrying about my studies. I want to be the medieval person. I want to be good in everything. (Or at least know about them.)

I want to experience life to its fullest. That is why I resolve to set my priorities as straight as it could be.

Although I am not yet used to the new study 'habit', I will master this. Haha!

Life is too short to waste on studying. Life is not about growing up, it's about having the time of your life every minute. You should not waste any minute doing something you don't want to do. If you want to bum around, then bum as much as you can! But then again, you have to also realize that you are wasting precious moments you could have used for more fruitful and satisfying things.

I love living life.

That is what's important.^_^

Advice of a Fool

2007-05-04T00:01:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

There are just some people you would really lose in the road.

You have to accept that. It's okay to be sad but you must never forget that there will be new friends to meet. Like cells actively dividing, new cells replace the old AND DYING ones. Although our new friends would never be exactly the same as the old ones, they still do the things expected from a friend.

And to reduce the probability of losing new friends, take care of them. and DON'T get in a deeper relationship. That just ruins everything. If you do,

expect to exhaust yourself making new friends again.

My brothers never really cared about losing some. They just upped and left. That is what I want to do. I would just be kidding and killing myself holding on to people not willing to hold on back.

So today, I officially admit that I lost two of my supposedly good and old friends. I'm partly at fault but who isn't? I have to face this. I am facing it now. *_*

Sorrow is irrelevant. It won't do me any good. So why bother? I have been sad for quite some time now. It's getting boring.

So there. My cells are continuously dividing. I am constantly making new friends. That's all. ^_^

Pathetic

2007-05-01T09:23:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

So what is new? Nothing ground shattering.

I learned so much from the past only because the past keeps playing over and over again in my overcomplicating itsie-bitsie brain. Before this happened, I live for the future. Now that my spirit is broken, I live in the past. This sucks, I tell you.

Being conscious of my pathetic life and the reasons why it's going nowhere, I realize that I have to start living now - in this present moment, in this present time. I have started to live my life as if it were the best, as if I were really there. I am not sure if you understand. Before, I always rush what I do thinking that I do all these for the future, for what will become of me. Now, what I do now, is just for this moment. This is living life. You give your best on what is presented to you and never think of tomorrow's consequences or effects of your actions. That is what I do now.

That was how I started after my realizations but there are times when I just revert to my old self - to the pathetic, needy Monica. It sucks. It sucks when I start thinking of what was lost. It sucks when I start wishing for everything to come back. It sucks because I know deep in my heart that it could never be.

When I want something, I never, almost unconsciously, give up. If there's nothing else I could do, I will create something up in my mind just to convince myself that I still could have it. I'd think there's still something out there to hope for even when the truth is right there in front of me waving crazily telling me to stop my wishful thinking. I told you, pathetic.

I am sure that if he is reading this, he'd think he made the right decision. He'd think I was hurt not because he is gone but because of something way more 'superficial' and that this is all about me. That's how insulting he is. And still, the pathetic little me would overlook all these and hope that he will realize that % #$#@ $%%. This is not about me. This is about us. How I miss the fun times we had. How I miss you. I miss you.

Yes, I am pathetic.

But I still want you back. I am still hoping you'd be back.

*pathetic*

My Songs

2007-04-29T21:59:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

These are the songs I listen to when I take my shower.

ONE WEEK - BARENAKED LADIES

LIFE GOES ON (TUPAC TRIBUTE) - BIZZY BONE

A PROMISE - CHICOSCI

SWEET ESCAPE - GWEN STEFANI FEAT. AKON

POP GOES MY HEART - HUGH GRANT

Lab Class

2007-04-27T09:26:00.000+09:00

Say 'gastrocnemius'!

Something smells bad..?

Grr!

This is my frog. Say hi!

Superworms! (For real)

Crying Inside

2007-04-26T00:13:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Thought for tonight: Happiness is fleeting. There will be times when your in ecstasy having the time of your life but these times always have, and will never be without, the opposite. Sadness sucks but like happiness, it is a crucial part of life.

But, of course, we all know this.

So what am I blabbing about again?

Tonight is one of those nights. I can't believe it was just yesterday when I was walking around in my new pair of 'flipflops' and bag. The grin on my lips and the sparkle on my eyes won't even go away. I thought it was okay to be happy that way (less than boisterous laughter but more than just a smile). I was wrong. This is my down night. It sucks.

I'm stressed. I learned in Psych10 that to fight stress, we have to

1. locate the stressor

2. try to avoid these thoughts/things

Stressors: I already lost two of my closest friends because of some stupid decisions and actions. I miss them so badly.

I still do not approve of smokers (especially if they're my friends). I just feel sad and disappointed.

I guess there are only two but they've affected me so much. I shouldn't have voiced out the story about my friend. I just made it more real. I just made it final. I just made it more painful for myself.

I just want to shout and curse and cry.

I can't shout. It's almost 12. I can't curse. I don't do that anymore. I can't cry. I have no tears.

Is this what they call crying inside?

I learned a lot from my mistakes. I don't regret anything. The only thing bugging me is the feeling. It won't go away.

Hurt, please go away.

Me so Happy!

2007-04-24T20:47:00.000+09:00

The old pair of slippers my bestfriend gave me a few years back!

Thanks for your unwavering support!

Time to change!

What you see is not always what you get.

Because I just got my money from tutoring! I bought myself some stuff!
I bought a colorful pair of slippers! and an itsy bitsy backpack! hehehe!

Life's so sweet.

2007-04-21T08:20:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

What you see will never be what you'd truly get.

I have learned another sad truth about life. It will never go the way you planned it. NEVER. If IF you think you are so sure of what will happen, think again. There will always be turns and setbacks.

A song aptly 'metaphorizes' life as a road. Before travelling, you have planned where you're heading. You know your destination. So you get into your car and drive. However, there are signs that warn us of the turns and dead-ends.

Careful drivers would slow down or turn the other way around. Others may overlook the warning signs - the no left turns, no u turns, or one-way road. They might be so preoccupied with other things that they forget to see the environment outside the interior of their cars.

What, then, happens? They get stopped by the traffice enforcers. They get frustrated meeting the dead end realizing they have wasted precious time. Sometimes, they lose hope and return home wishing for a better day tomorrow.

That day sucked for the unnoticing drivers. This, however, does not mean armageddon. A character from A Lot Like Love said something about downfall not being your life but a part of it. Life continues even as you tumble, even as you meet an obstruction.

So what do we do? We make a u-turn and be conscious of the warning signs. Never lose hope. Always be positive.

Problems make you stronger, more independent individuals.

IT just takes time.

I guess my time is not yet up. *_*

Our kids.

2007-03-29T08:31:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

It's thursday! Only two more days left before I head home to Pangasinan. I can't wait (to kick that son of doctor's ass). Hahaha! Kidding.

I am a college student. I should know what I want to be. That's what college is for. So why am I still confused?

Because we were never raised to think of the future. We were never really trained to prepare ourselves for what awaits us.

In the old times, children as young as seven year olds are already sent away from home to be apprentices to working men. Little girls are made to learn how to sew and do household because that is what is expected of them. However, that should not be the case today.

The point is, they already know who they are even at those tender ages.

What about us? That's is why it is hard for us. We wasted our whole life thinking about everything but our future lives. We spent them doing things that would not lead us to what we are supposed to be.

Now, we are struggling to look for our niche in the society.

This should not have been the case.

*sigh*

Getting Ready for Summer

2007-03-28T19:35:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Yehey! I only have three more exams to go! I hope I do well on all of them.

Bitching has been my past time lately. I really do think my friends are getting tired of hearing me whine and complain about how lousy my life is. Guess what, I am (or I WILL BE) moving on. No more complains. No more drama. Just plain fun! It's summer. The best time to have the most fun!

Can't wait for my brother to come home! Welcome back kuya! hehe..

I'll be going to Bataan for a week. From April 9-15. I'll be participating in a Rural Service Project spearheaded by UP Caduceus and KALFI, (I think). I think it's going to be fun!

My whole summer's planned out already. I hope everything goes the way it is planned. Wishful thinking. *,*

Salvation of nothingness.

2007-03-28T01:08:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

You thought it'd be great but then it blows up in your face. *some silly sound effects* You get crushed.

My List

2007-03-26T08:12:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Things to occupy my mind and my time:
1. Memorize lyrics of a song. (suggested by Rodz)
2. Read Shakespeare. It's kind of embarassing that I have not read any of his works.
3. Read Greek and Roman Mythology. This, too.
4. Sound trip! Download new songs and sing my heart out!
5. Blog more often. See what's going on with other people.^_^
6. Study hard.
7. Keep in touch with family and friends.
8. Chat alot!
9. Watch movies.
10. DOTA
11. Arcade!

I have tried to revert back to the old Monica. It's hard to go back to what you have been. But I will. In due time.^_^

Sad Entry Again

2007-03-25T17:21:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Doing something out of the ordinary like, let's say, getting you head shaved has its consequences. Even if you have looked at it at every angle, even if you have asked for second opinions and even if you have asked for their approval, there will still be unexpected turn of events that would make you regret your decision.

I envy those who do not experience this.

Going against the norms is something I am not afraid to do. I had my head shaved. Need I say more? I don't care about the weird looks I get. I don't even give second thoughts to the smirks and stares I get. I find it even funny. It's as if they think I'm crazy.

That's just fine with me. I don't care. So what am I complaining about?

I just find it hard to reconcile with my actions when the closest of the closest to me can't accept the fact that I am who I am. I do crazy things that other people won't understand. That's Monica.

I treasure my friends so much that even if I knew they themselves don't get me, I would not let them go. Even if they trash me behind their so-called constructive criticisms, I would shrug it off and go on being friends.

But what if they go overboard? What if they hurt you so badly that they make you cry for two straight days? What if you can't concentrate on the things that need to be done because you keep on thinking about how to solve this problem? WHat if you keep on reaching out but there's no one on the other side?

What if you're just thinking life's too perfect to blow up on your face and never realize that you do have to let go and move on?

I don't want to let go. But are they telling me to do so? Do I have to burst my own bubble? I am bleeding and the only friend who can help me won't even give me first aid.

Once again, life sucks for me.
I've never had this feeling for a very long time.
Crappiness of life has outrun me.
Then again, it makes life full of hopes. and worries.

This is Me

2007-03-17T09:45:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Why, Britney? WHY?=C

2007-02-21T08:33:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

February 22, 2007 will be my eighteenth birthday.

And I'm going to shave my hair off.

Ugh, Britney Spears just ruined it for me. I have been planning to do this since January. I was waiting for my birthday. Ugh! Could she not wait for just a few more days to do this?!! What are the odds of her and me doing the same thing!! Fortunately, it is for very different reasons. But she just rained on my parade and it kind of sucks. But what the heck, I still am going to do it. Who cares anyway?

So please, don't tell me Britney's my role model or something of the sort. Haha! That would be very insulting. She's twisted and she can't handle her issues. I, on the other hand, am in control. I have thought this through. And this is what I want to do.

And all I get for my revelation are negative feedbacks. It would be quite refreshing AND encouraging to hear from someone (anyone) who supports my decision. Any support out there? Hehe!

Good or bad comments will be welcome. But none would change my mind.

I want to be different. Brave even. This is my way. Really weird, but brave.(I guess.)

Gravity, Oh Gravity!

2007-02-08T22:01:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Songs are supposed to be poetry with melody. The poetry I know is usually smothered with flowery words. I guess this is where being 'poetic' came into being.

Now here comes John Mayer, a well known and very talented musician who has been known to soothe listeners with his tunes with his Gravity. The title itself is quite funny. (for me)

Gravity. For a science-oriented student like me who hears gravity being used the way it is supposed to be used almost everyday, it is really new for it to be used in such context.

I didn't like the song at first because it sounds, pardon me for saying this, stupid. Gravity? Maybe John Mayer thought it would be cool to use this scientific term because its scientific. HAHA! I'm such a snob. But I have to put into consideration the singer himself. It's John Mayer we are talking about. It's his rough yet soothing voice. It's my brother's twin! And I guess the melody makes up for the weird word choice.

Also, John Mayer songs have this way of sinking into you and making you like it soon after your first exposure. So I guess I like gravity. *Hah! Still is funny.*

See Me?

2007-01-29T21:29:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

There is something satisfying in loving what you do. When others think of it as a burden, you think of it as a challenge. That is what I do.

I have gone past the stage of bitching about almost everything in life. Exams, curfews, lack of money - they're all pain in the butts.

Now I have realized that there's no point in sulking around and getting grumpy about things we can not avoid. We are going to take exams, miss curfews and lose money more than once in our lives. So what can we do? Since life is about living it optimally, then we should think of a better and more productive way of looking at things.

Before I entered college, I would have complained about how tedious and how tiring doing the yearbook is. I would have done it just because it is my responsibility to do so. But that was then. Now, I am even enjoying what I am doing. I like the responsibility. It makes me feel useful. It lets my creative flow juices. I am having fun keeping in touch with my batchmates. There are more to the yearbook than just mere layouts and edits. The by products are more than enough to keep me going.

There are two mottos I always keep in mind. These are mottos I have picked from reading through our materials in school.

1. Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.

2. The thing that separates ordinary from extraordinary is that little extra.

These really applied to me and my lifestyle. I have always been an "okay na yan" person. Whenever we do projects, I always end the job saying "okay na yan". Contrary to what other people say, I was not a perfectionist. I guess now I am. Hehe! Now, I try to put everything in what I do. There will only be that one time to do that one thing. So why settle for anything less than the best?

I have only lived for seventeen years. (okay, almost 18 years. grr) But they always say I sound like "the old wise man/woman". I have always been like that. I guess that's what makes me different. Yes, I could be childish and hyper. But there is this side of me (apparently a little apparent) that analyzes almost anything and putting that wisdom into good use.

I am a youthful old person. That is who I am.

Ely will Picha Pie!

2007-01-11T21:00:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

It is so ironic that I find it hard to believe that the guy who sang Hard to Believe actually had a heart attack. No one that great should be threatened of death. He should've been invincible.

Who am I fooling?

I experienced sudden pang of pain as I watch the news saying Ely Buendia is in the ICU after suffering from stroke. It was just so heartbreaking to know that one of my most favorite icons is in pain and was near death.

I felt really relieved when they said he is o.k. now. But there is still this burden. I don't know why. I guess I just have to pray.

Nakilala kita nang ako'y nasa elementarya.

Kanta mo pa'y kabisado lalo na ang Ligaya

Kulang na lang magkabit ako ng poster niyo,

Pero wala akong pera kundi konting sinsilyo.

Sinasabayan bawat awit kahit wala sa tono

Ginagaya pati steps sa Huling El Bimbo.

Tanungan nang "Sino na kumanta ng Para sa Masa?"

Siyempre proud, "Eraserheads, si Ely Buendia."

Adik ba ang tawag dito?

Manghang mangha lang sa inyong angking talento.

Hanggang ngayon astig pa rin kayo.

Ely Buendia, isang legacy - tropeo ng industriya.

God bless you.^_^

To Live Without

2007-01-07T21:11:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I admit I am materialistic. I want all the privileges of being way up high. I don't know what made me like this but I can't help it.

Maybe I'm making myself look so unfeeling and ungrateful for what He has given me. I am still idealistic in a shrewd sort of way. I want to help. I want to give alms to the poor. But before I do this, I have to be so filthy rich that I can afford it without having to sacrifice much and end up thinning my pockets.

I am a very ambitious person and I would do anything to achieve what I want. I control my own life. I want all the benefits of a well-made life.

Unfortunately, a well-made life is just an idea that I still can't picture. Is it being so successful? Or is it just being happily simple and simply happy?

I want my name to be remembered. I want to mark my name in history. (Yes, I know it is way out of my league. But what the heck, I can dream, too.) But with this, I have to sacrifice a few things that I don't think I could live without. Vincent van Gogh, as an example, died a very lonely man. His name was remembered and he made his mark in history. Am I willing to sacrifice my happiness?

On the other hand, can a simple lifestyle make me happy?

I know we should be contented with what we have . Everyone says it is the nobler path. Am I prepared to take it?

]Answers are yet to arrive. I am still waiting. Patiently. (I hope.)

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony.

-William Henry Channing

I am unknown..

2006-12-18T18:33:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I now know what my biggest problem is.

I always look for something new.

It's wrong and unfair.

What can I do, that's who I am.

I just hope I don't hurt others.^_^

funny pics!

2006-12-08T07:03:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

who says he/she has no life?

2006-11-29T12:36:00.000+09:00

...if you do, you lack realizations...

What you see is not always what you get.

If a picture paints a thousand words...

2006-11-26T22:25:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Why do we always relate our lives to songs, to tv shows, to text quotes? It may be hard to accept this but life should not be too much of those drama.

I admit I have made some decisions based on stupid text messages and freaking shows and lousy songs. It's embarrassing to realize later on that they are just what they are, songs, shows and quotes.

I am not sure if I could have figured this out all by myself. Either way, it is nice to wake up from those silly ideals.

Forrezt Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know what you're gonna get." That's not true. We know what we are gonna get. We can look at it, feel it and then figure out what is it. If we were rational beings, we would be able to do this. We may never be sure of what's hidden but we can guess what's inside by looking at the outside.

Sometimes, what I watch, hear and read still make me want to just follow what they say. The urge to just rely my fate to these nuisances still comes but my better judgement always wins (as far as i know).

Masdradrama lang ang buhay kung ibabase sa mga sinadyang pangdramang mga bagay. They are made to evoke feelings, not to make decisions out of them. ^_^

good night!

Okay talaga ang #7.

2006-10-08T00:38:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay. "Maging masaya."

Pero pano ba maging masaya? Para sakin, gusto ko lahat ng gusto ko nakukuha ko. Gusto ko ng kotse, ng sariling bahay, ng mataas na posisyon sa isang research at development institute. Kailangan ko ng pera at ng autoridad. Para makuha ko toh, kailangan kilala ako. Kailangan may hanapbuhay akong makakapaglago sa aking kalagayan. Para makamtan ko ito, dapat may pinag-aralan ako. Dapat mataas ang makuha kong marka sa graduation at dapat makatopnotch sa boards. Para mangyari ito, dapat mag-aral ako ng mabuti. Dapat maayos ang grades sa lahat ng subjects. Dapat present sa lahat ng klase.

Simple lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay. Pero komplikado ang daan papunta rito.

Sana di ako maligaw.

Sino ako? Hindi, prutas!

2006-10-06T09:34:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Nakakainis isipin na lahat ng tao pare-pareho. Siguro nga hindi naman totoo talaga 'yun kasi ang turo sa atin, "we are all unique in our own ways." Siguro nga mas-okay na rin na pareho ang lahat ng tao sa mga ibang bagay.

Isipin mo na lang, ang kapitbahay mo hindi tumatae (kasi unique nga siya). Eh di maiinggit ka kasi hindi na niya kailangang magbawas pa. Kapag nasa harap ka ng computer at jebs na jebs ka na, kailangan mo munang mag-CR. Eh yung kapitbahay mo, kahit na ilang oras pa yang magbabad sa computer, walang jebs break 'yan! O, naiinggit ka na ba?

Ito pa, kung ang iba may buntot at ang iba wala, eh di magkakainggitan na naman.
"Hah! Ako may buntot ikaw wala! Behlat!"

"Okay lang at least ako may ala-Wolverine na kamay! Kalmutin ko yang buntot mo eh!"

o kaya

"Uy sis, tignan mo si CHakaChuva. Bakit sa dinami-dami ng taong (tao pa ba to) na bibigyan ng ganyan kagandang mukha sa pwet, siya pa! It's so unfair!"

Ganyan marahil ang kalalabasan ng buhay ng mga tao-yata kung unique tayo sa pisikal na anyo. Malamang kailangan uling mag-aral ni Dr. Viki Belo ng bagong paraan ng plastic surgery. Marami sigurong gustong magpadagdag ng pangatlong boob!

Sa panloob naman, naranasan niyo na ba makarinig ng taong nagsasabi - "Alam mo, naaalala ko sa'yo 'yung kapatid ng pamangkin ng auntie ng papa ng kaklase ng housemate ng boyfriend ng ate ko. Grabe! Parehong pareho kayo sa ugali! Lalo na 'yang pagkacorny niyo!"

Ano? Matutuwa ba kayo at may kapareha raw kayo na isang taong nabubuhay rin sa iyong inaapakang lupa? Masaya bang isipin na hindi lang ikaw ang ganon? Na baka hindi lang isa ang kapareha mo at marami pang anuman-ang-pangalan-mo sa mundo?

Malay ko sa'yo pero ako, nalulungkot. Eh sa katawan pareho-pareho lang tayo, pati ugali mo kukunin pa? Sobra naman na ata yon diba?

Pero sabi nga nila, sa karanasan daw kayo magkakatalo. Bakit, naranasan na ba niyang kumain ng saging na nakasabit ang paa sa puno ng mangga sa bakuran ng tiyuhin namin? Aba! Talagang masho-shock ako kung nagawa na niya un! Nasubukan na rin ba niyang paghabulan siya ng mga prinsipe/prinsesa dahil sa kanyang angking ganda/poginess? Ay teka, panaginip lang pala yun. Pero kahit na, napanaginipan na ba niya yon? Hindi pa diba?

Ang buhay parang mangga. Sa una maasim. Pero pag hinintay mong mahinog, matamis na siya. Ano ibig sabihin? Kayo na mag-interpret.

Basta ako, marami pang gagawin.. Baboosh!

My Better-Late-Than-Never Sorry

2006-10-05T08:41:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

My hormones were never reliable when it comes to decision-making. Who ever claimed it would be? Let me change that: My decisions in the past were all based on hormones. Rationality then was not my best partner. I think it felt left out and really took his leave.

Want Monica wants, she gets. What she wants to do, she does. No more thinking. And if I do think, that is just to convince me that what I want to do is what I shoul do. Crazy, huh? (Yep! That's me, Ahma cRrazythinker!) I was selfish then, too. I didn't care who I trampled with, who I hurt just so long as my desires are met. I was cruel. But mind you, my cruelty was hidden behind the not-really-sweet-but-will-do-nothing-bad persona. (HAHA! You might think I'm that bad) It's not that I have killed somebody or anything. It's is just that I think it was mean for me to drove the guard mad because he won't let me out during lunchbreaks. I was mean to my classmates who were boisterously having fun in the back of the classroom. I was bossy to the members when it came to group presentations. I was harsh. I even left other people thinking of things they want to do to me short of murder. I knew that. It made me sad.

I would like to apologize to everyone I've bullied or pushed around during our high school (even elementary) years. :

1. Andren Bernardo - First year, Dalton. I never got the chance to show him how much I've changed since he moved to another school. It actually sucks because when we accidentaly meet, I don't know if I should greet him the way I do with my friends (acting like I didn't curse him so loud his face turned red of humiliation!) or just ignore him. I'm sorry. I forgive you for that sh*tt*ng pen you had who caused my being called a Dalmatian in class. ^_^

2. Gregor Something - Grade School, Ednas. I'm sorry I always got mad whenever you tease me with Ariel. That sucked then but I guess I just didn't know how to react with that. I was a late bloomer, you see. And I don't know much about crush-thingies back then. I am sorry I pulled your hair and made your eyes swell up. Ate Rosa (fetcher? that's what we used to call it) told me your mom saw me do that and I feel really bad.

3. Sarah Terrado - Grade School, Ednas. Oooh! I would like to apologize a hundred times for making fun of you in school, a thousand times for the times we fooled you and ordered you around, and a million times for not realizing, even a girl like you (whose been trampled on so many times) can change and be someone. Those were only few of my errors and I am truly sorry. I am also sorry for what you've done with your life right now. You could have been a good girl - a better person. But you chose the way of the smokers, drinkers and easy women. I know you can still change. I just hope it's not too late.

4. Boys in High School - sorry for being such pain in the ass - killing your fun. I am sorry I tried shushing you in class even when a teacher is not around. I apologize for all the remarks I've delivered that made you want to kill me (ESPECIALLY RON).

OMG! I'm late for class!!

Where is my hug?

2006-10-04T07:38:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Back in high school, hugs were nothing but a habit. Some still think it awkward to give people some body contact even if they frequently hangout together. AS for me, high school was a hug-all-you-like era which only, of course, is given to those whom I care the most.

Of course, I loved hugging my girl friends. My fellow badings! We were always in group hugs because when two are hugging, one or two more would like to join in. I miss the group hugs, guys!

My hug-shy boys! Of course, these are my guy buddies! I remember when we used to hug them all the time and I know they were quite irritated already but, what the heck!, we are transparent and we don't give a damn what others might think. It's you guys! It's not as if we hug guy strangers, you know. I miss my guy hugs.

Who else do I hug? I remember that I also loved hugging my Hannah Banana! My oh-don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-throw-you-to-China Hannah! I loved hugging her soft and supple body! (haha! seems like pornography! nuh-uh!) She just appears as if a hug-me-now kind of person who can make you feel happy. I don't know. That's just me, I guess.

I have also hugged a lot of people outside my little barkada including goodbye hugs, welcome back hugs, don't-cry-now hugs, and many more. Though they may be vague now, I still like to think I have made a difference in a way. Most importantly, I hope they felt what I was trying to imply.

Hugs, in high school, were taken for granted. How I wish I could return to those days when hugs were the only gesture needed to express all the things we want to say.

GOT this from LADYwhiteSPIRIT

Come back and come again!

2006-09-28T10:15:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

My high school editorial drafts.

EVAT is just another dumb mistake of the government. Expanded Value Added Tax, like what the opposition says is another burden the poor Filipino people have to shoulder. After being put into action last November 1, many already state their angst against it.

As the clock struck 12 last October 31, the prices awakened and began to rise. Petroleum gas increased ten percent. Prices of food and commodities hiked up way higher than most Filipinos’ budget. Surely, the Filipinos bilbil are painfully suffering under the restriction of their belts. All this was done by a 4-lettered acronym.

The Filipino people suffer. The immediate effects of EVAT probably killed half the populations’ hopes of ever rising from their mud holes. After the assurance of increased revenues in the far future, the islands would already be infested with thieves, criminals and illegal doers because they can not afford or even find an honest job. After what GMA has done, she will be left with only the very rich, who were not affected at all, and the impoverished. The middle class would have vanished.

One more thing, how can the government assure the masses that the EVAT revenues would be for payment of debts and accomplishment of projects and not for their own pockets? The masses are not blind; right from the start, they already know that the government is a pool with greedy sharks. EVAT could have been more acceptable to the Filipinos if they were confident that they are under honest and credible government. But that is not the case. They should have cleaned the government first before implementing EVAT.

President Gloria Macagal-Arroyo is notorious for her embarrassing mistakes and misjudgments. EVAT is included in the list – from the Garci Tapes to her statement regarding Charter Change. The Filipinos can’t wait to hear her say, once again, “I am sorry”.

**********

Citizens should not expect that success of the Expanded Value Added Tax be felt the very day it officially starts. Being put into action last November 1, EVAT has already faced some smirking looks and statements coming from the opposition. They firmly stand their ground that EVAT is not the solution to the dreadful economic crisis.

Surely, there will be no immediate expected changes regarding the economy. EVAT will take its toll soon after revenues increase enough to pay the government’s billions of debts from international banks. Only then will they have public funds to be used for the betterment of our country and its people. This is the sweet and rewarding fruit of the sacrifice the people have made.

EVAT is the answer to the depression our economy is experiencing. It is only about time that the president takes control of the continuous decrease of the Filipino’s standard of living and pushes them up from the quicksand the previous leaders have put them into. When the revenues are up and the debts have been paid, the government could make improvements on the condition of the country. More projects could be accomplished and the population will be more focused on.

Our incumbent president, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, is a graduate of Harvard University in USA and has been blahblahblah. She also has a good family background – even better than most of the other politicians’ - and had more experience in governing. Do the masses, who continuously spit at GMA’s works, not think that the president knows what she is doing? Or that she has seen to it that what she executes is really for the welfare of all? It wouldn’t be hard to trust her judgment, would it?

Japan had to cocoon itself from the world before it reached its present glory. China had to suffer wars and invasions before it became what it is now. All the other successful countries had to suffer and sacrifice first before they became wealthy and strong empires. That is what EVAT will do to the Philippines. Patience is a virtue we must not forget in times like these. Cooperate and be rewarded.

If I weren't to say which side I'm on, you might get confused. You may think I'm a two-faced liar who doesn't know where to put herself. However, if you try to look at the bigger picture, you would see that I am only pointing out what is obvious yet still oblivious to most - universal duality. Every event, things (in quantum level), even persons (doppelgangers?) have two sides. Everything has its dark and good side just like the present situation of politics and economy in our country. The Milenyo typhoon benefited numerous students who didn't want to go to school or to the sick whose boss would kill (that would be double dead? haha!) if he/she were absent, etc. However, it is also catastrophic for them because of the black out and ruined homes and/or livelihood.

We can think like Jollibee or we can think like Lonelibee. It is up to us to decide whether to be positive or not. We just have to realize what could be gained and what could be lost.

BTW,
(Yes, I am Pro-EVAT and Pro-GMA as you all may know. I won't do us any good to go against what is already there. You may say that it's wrong and irresponsible for people to just accept what is unacceptable and be contented with what is offered but I think this, although not the most, is the next best thing that we can do given the circumstances with which GMA faced as she sat on the throne.)

Upload

2006-09-24T10:34:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

Kids in the Streets.

2006-09-23T14:46:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I feel bad about my last entry. It sucks to know that people like that still get to me. Grrr. My apologies.

Today was a little bit better but karma got to me real quick! Our history presentation, that is a video presentation, was about Military Relations between U.S. and the Philippines and we thought it would be nice to have our shooting at the playground in front of Manila Zoo. We had already made the plans and we got there although not on time but still on schedule.

We were actually laughing our butts off because of the kalokohans we were doing. Then after some time, a number of kids heard the commotion we were making. They made their way to where we were and started disturbing us. It was just fine when we were still playing guns.

I don't know why or how. I'm not sure if it's because of Mon-mon's (my other groupmate who came in late) arrival like what Daphnae (my early-bird-who-always-makes-jokes groupmate) said or if it was because Roch (our leader) started talking to them (as if they'd understand her). No matter what the reason was, it triggered the kids' evil sides. They were harsh! Oooohh! I could still remember all the nasty things they said. They were so horrible especially the leader of the pack who was said to be the grandson of the chairman in that place.

They were the worst bunch of kids I've ever encountered and I never want to meet them again.

But emotions aside, I can tell they were just trying to make friends in their own crude way. I think they were just acting the way they did because they are used to it. My theory is that people were mean to them or they have seen mean people and they have based their attitudes on these 'role models'. They were so used to growing up with rude and uneducated people that they themselves absorb these and put into practice.

While Roch was talking to them as if they were equal (in maturity), I felt the kids were already cracked except for the no-good (I apologize) grandson of the chairman. I knew they were innately good kids who turned bad because of the evils around them. Even that kid leader is good but I guess he was more difficult to break.

If I were a patient, warmhearted and compassionate person, I would have empathized with the kids and talked my ass off trying to break them all to remind them that goodness should reign. (And I could have won some award because of this!) That is, however, not the case. I am not patient enough to curb the tongues of those foulmouthed youngsters nor am I warmhearted and compassionate enough to see their feelings beyond their hateful facades.

I blame the adults who are supposed to be looking after those young kids. Have they not thought of the kids' welfare and where they'd end up in the near future? But of course, they, too, must have grown up the same way. That just plainly sucks.

I can blame anybody for the situation those kids are in right now. I could blame the government, I could blame the immediate family. I could even blame their neighborhood. I could blame the leader kid himself. I could blame you. And of course, I could blame myself.

I should have been what I am not. I should have helped right then and there but pointing fingers won't get us nowhere.

When I grow up, I want to be a lot of things. I could become rich and help those kinds of kids. But when those kids grow up, what would they be?

Little Mr. and Ms. Mickey Mouse Club

2006-09-21T22:01:00.000+09:00

What you see is not always what you get.

I now have proven, using my in depth knowledge of psychology and human behavior (which is so laughable), that people really feed on dirty laundries paraded on the public streets. I guess, in a way, it is the parader's fault why he/she is being feasted on. Why on earth would anyone want to flaunt his/her misdeeds in the first place? I, for one, would not want my skeletons cleaned out of my closet.

Is it natural for people to gossip and make crude remarks about other people's lives no matter how repulsive it is? Are the former justified for what they do since it is technically the latter's fault? In some ways, yes. We really just can't help but talk about other people and how immoral, unjust, repugnant the lives they lead are. Who would not want to comment on something waved right below their itchy little (or big for some cases) noses? It is just as automatic to talk of something as it is for us to eat when we're hungry.

Let us examine first the cases or reasons why one would want others to see their dark sides? First thing I could think of is publicity. I have heard from some old movie I watched that Bad publicity is still publicity. I gets people talking and that person becomes instant celebrity. William Hung was shamed during the American Idol. He was actually downright insulted. However, that global embarrassment resulted in a record contract that earned him millions (I am not sure with the profit) and fame that would last for a very long time. So I guess someone who wants to be known would do anything to be popular - even show off their misdeeds.

Second reason: Have you watched the movie Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? That's exactly it. People sometimes think that they are the only protagonists in the story they have wielded for themselves. Other persons are just minor characters that ought to help them achieve whatever it is they need. It seems as if the world revolves only around them and that it would crumble when they do. And since they think it's all about them, they wouldn't care a bit about looking like a fool because after all, it is their story.

A third reason, although it may not be applicable to all, is that they may also think their damsels in distress that need rescuing of some sort and pity for the misfortune. I don't know if this should fall under the second reason.(It just popped out of my mind.) They think it looks cute to look pitiful and unknowing. It is as though they want some one to open up their eyes and let them show the world -shining, shimmering and splendid. (yeah right!)

Last reason, (since I don't have much time on my hands right now) ugh! I forgot my last and best reason. This sucks.

Anyway, I despise people who try to flaunt their so-called colorful and juicey lives. I hate them for the reasons they do the things they do. I am repulsed by their silly antics and deceptive innocence. They think they look cute but they don't. They just look plain stupid.

If only I have the guts to tell them straight up how much they irritate me, how their attitude won't get them anywhere and how the world is not at their stinky little carefully pedicured feet, I would but that would take too much time and effort from my side. They are not just worth all the trouble. Unless they've proven themselves worthy of my empathy or awe, they will be nothing but pain in everyone's butt.

Now I hate myself for wasting my time talking nonsense.

I apologize. (to myself)

sad? nah. just crappy.

2006-09-12T18:16:00.000+09:00

It is sometimes hard to wake up everyday and think of how it would unfold. It sucks to know that you're waking up to the same old routine doing the same old things and thinking the same old thoughts. I want to wake up with something new everyday. I guess I do, but my life sucks right now so bad. Bad enough to make me think it useless to wake up feeling happy for the new day. I guess I just miss the people who make me feel happy.. =/

and after...

2006-09-06T14:38:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

I have been gone for a very long time and I apologize to those people who were affected. (If there are any.) hehe!

I'd like to say PAT! sorry po.. huhhhuhu.. di ako nakapagpaalam.. actually nasiraan kme ng internet. ngaun buong pc na.. haaay.. missu na tlaga.. sorry uli.. heheh!

now i have to go.. I still have lots of school work.

I hope I could blog again tomorrow..

take care everyone!

Is PNE here?

2006-08-09T21:03:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

I would like to change my one-liner to *SocSci, please let me be!*<br>

grrr.. (arf! arf!) hehe!

Everyone has an addiction. Pat is addicted to shopping. (Right, Pat?) hehe.. Others are addicted to anime, to looking good, to phones, to the internet and/or to blogging. We have our own weaknesses. These are the things we would give anything up for just to have or achieve. For example, hopeless romantics are addicted to love. They want nothing more than to feel those overwhelming emotions - happiness, sweetness and care. No matter how many times they get hurt, they still strive to achieve love. No matter how stupid they look, they don't care. Because they are addicted to it.

I, too, am addicted to lots of things. I am addicted to blogging. *(haha!)* But judging by the number of times I have opened my blog lately, I guess I can say I really am not that addicted. Time won't permit me to blog the same way I blogged months ago. I have more things on my plate right now. And choosing one over blogging means that I am not addicted to blogging anymore. I believe addiction is when you won't stop for anything until you have achieved to reached that craving.

The only thing I can think of as an addiction is Parokya ni Edgar. (Standing Ovation)

I don't know why but everytime a concert is held, first thing I ask is "Is PNE coming?" If not, then I still need to think twice if I'd come or not. Otherwise, I would be going gaga over it long before the concert takes place!

MTV Pilipinas chose UPM as one of the schools for their campus tour. Of course, I was looking for PNE. Sadly enough, they weren't included. But since Eli Buendia of the former Eheads was there, I joined in. Now, there will be another concert sponsored by Jag. I hope PNE would be coming. *crossed fingers*

My heart's literally pumping hard right now. I really wish they'd come. *sigh* PNE is my addiction. I want to see them perform. I want to sing out loud with them. I want to join their Inuman sessions. I want to know them. I want them. Hahahaha!!!!

Adhik!

Are You Gay?

2006-08-04T23:41:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

When can you say that one is happy? Is it when that person constantly carries a big smile on a cheery face? or when one always cracks everyone up? Is it when one shows how giddy he/she looks and how uplifted his/her spirit seems? These usually are the manifestations of happy people. But are they really happy?

I sometimes forget to be happy. Is that normal? My mind wanders off to its own world. I don't even know when my consciousness leaves me. And when it does come back, I could never clearly recall what I had been thinking of. And when I return to my old self, I realize how miserable I look and try to seem, feel and be truly happy. I smile and think of embarrassingy funny moments. And they make my day brighter. Shallow? No, just simple.

I always say I am happy and that I am contented with my life right now. But when I really come to think of it, my happiness needs conscious effort. I have to tell myself to be happy to be happy. I have to repeat it over and over that I should be happy just to be.

I want to achieve more than what I have now. Some say I am competitive. But I think I am just ambitious. Are they the same thing? I don't think so. I believe I could achive real happiness when I have reached all my goals - both material and emotional ones.

I guess happiness is arbritrary. No one can ever really set the standards for happiness just like for beauty. It all depends on the person. Your happiness depends on you. So if you're sad and lonely - or mad and angry, only you can break that spell and be happy once again.

Think about it...

Don't Make Me Mad

2006-07-29T02:18:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

Temper is one of my major problems during my younger years (although I'm still young now at 17). I have often been tagged as scary, masungit and pikon. And I'd get even angrier when they point this out to me. Funny, right?

If GMA has her plataporma for the next coming years, I, too, have my own resolutions even though New Year is still a whole calendar away. One of my major repairs would be (guess what?) my attitude problem. I don't know how I did it but I pulled it off. It has been months now since I got mad. (HAHA! I think it still is normal, isn't it?.)

Stoics, one of the first group of Hellenic philosophers, believed that one should always put to mind that everything happens according to the Divine plan and it is an awful waste of time and energy to feel too much emotion. Sadness, happiness and anger are more or less nothing but nuisances to everyday life.

They say that there once was a Stoic slave who was being maltreated by another person. This other person grabbed him by the arm and the slave told him, "You're going to break my arm." The other person didn't care and really twisted it hard! All the stoic said was, "I told you you were going to break it." Although this is an exaggeration of the Stoic belief (mind you, this is true), it depicts the way of living of these philosophers.

There are also the Epicureans (from the founder Epicurus) or the garden philosophers who believed that "Pleasure is the highest good." They say that our desires need not be curbed. On the contrary, we must follow and aim for our wants. They, however, also emphasize that pleasure of the mind is much more rewarding than pleasures of the body and that we must sometimes sacrifice now to achieve a longer and purer pleasure in the future.

Meanwhile, a group of misguided philosophers branched out from the Epicureans. These philosophers, on the other hand, think that it is best for humans to readily satisfy their immediate pleasures for life is too short to be wasting time and sacrifices - for we'll never know when it'd end.

Why am I saying this? Because this is how I have helped myself control my temper. By combining the thoughts of Stoics, Epicureans and even the sub-Epicureans, I have come up with my own philosophy that really works for me.

I have resolved that happiness is my desire and I shall reach it both by sacrificing and by attaining some of my immediate pleasures. Happiness can be gained by removing all hatred from within and ignoring the urge to release internal fury. Yes, some say that it is more dangerous to suppress the emotions inside. But I think mine is of a different case. "Monica, huwag mong sirain ang araw mo dahil lang sa walang kwentang bagay na yan." And I shift all the emotions to happiness.

How? I look at it not on the bright side but on the funnier side! I always try to imagine that same situation ten or twenty years ahead of time when it no longer ticks me off and instead make me laugh out loud. It makes more sense for me to do this because my main goal is to be happy. I will not settle for a "saktong feeling". I want birds chirping, leaves rustling, sunny skies, twinkling stars, fresh air and all the glory God has bestowed upon us to be absorbed, felt, lived.

Lately, tempers have been flaring here and there. Yes, I am still affected in a way. (I am not oblivious to my surroundings.) I get sad when I hear loud voices shouting at the top of their lungs as if they own the whole building. But I don't let it get to me the way it always did when I was younger.

*dramatic pause* I've changed. *dramatic pause* I may not be a real Stoic for I still enjoy a good and hearty laugh and still feel pain. I may not be a genuine Epicurean because I want both pleasures of the mind and of the material world. I am my own philosopher and I do what I think is best for me. Losing temper was never my best point. With the help of my enemy, I have conquered my weakness.

Aristotle said that Happiness can be gained through the complete utilization and actualization of skills and talents. That, too, is part of my philosophy. This only means: Go lang ng go! *Charaaann!*

Anything Goes

2006-07-27T22:57:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

And I kicked its big butt this afternoon! (I think I did.)

It's already past my bedtime. I don't think I can write much tonight. I'm tired from all the work and effort put on studying that *grr* Philo. Haha! Hopefully, it would all pay off. Thank Papa God. hehe!

I will post some of the crazy thoughts cramped in my head tomorrow.

AS for now, let me just leave you with a thought to ponder on:

Aanhin pa ang tae kung nilabas mo na?

hmm.. kadiri ba? haha!

*Sinister Laugh!*

The Driver and his Einstein

2006-07-25T00:10:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

It seems like I can't think of anything to write about. That's weird.

So here's a funny story about Albert Einstein and his driver.

After his successful discovery of the Special and General Theories of Relativity, he started going on tour for press conferences to share his very important scientific breakthrough. With him is his very attentive driver who has listened and sat on all of Einstein's explanations.

So one time, this driver asked Einstein if he could pretend to be him for the coming press conference since he supposes he knows almost everything about the theories and that he could address all the questions fired at him. Einstein agreed (maybe because he, too, is tired of hearing him repeat himself speak).

During the conference, the driver, disguised as Einstein, was able to deliver the speech well. He actually pulled that one off effortlessly. Then came the questioning. While Einstein nervously sat there listening, the driver was comfortably answering all the questions - as if he really was Einstein!

So Einstein began to relax until one scientist asked something he knew only the real him could answer. He began to sweat and he didn't know what to do! The driver, on the other hand, paused and said, "That one is easy. That is so easy I'll even let my driver, sitting right there, answer it for you."

And so the two came out unscathed.

First thing I blurted out was, "Smart driver!"

So that's one of the things I've learned in our NatSci I.

*My entry ends here... bitin ba?*

Ilabas mo Lang

2006-07-24T00:59:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

I guess my luck kicked Philo's butt! Haha! I really really love you Luck-ee! hehe..

Ayan na naman siya. Lalabas na naman. Hindi na ba siya nagsasawa? Hindi ba niya alam na masmapapaaga ang pagsasakabilang buhay niya sa ginagawa niya?

Lalabas na naman siya ng yunit. Siyempre, nasa sala ang computer, nalalaman ko kung sino ang labas-pasok. Ayan na naman siya. Akala niya siguro hindi ko alam. Akala niya siguro tanga ako na hindi ko namamalayan. Akala niya siguro masyado akong absorbed sa sarili kong buhay. Habang papalabas sinabi niya, "Sa'n mo ba iniwan ang susi, Kuya Jerry?" Sus! Palusot pa siya na kunwari hahanapin nila susi. Hello?!? Siya? Hahanapin ang susi kasama ang drayber? Eh sa tamad niyang yan, walang pakealam kahit macarnap pa ata ang kotse eh.

'Pag naiisip ko ang ginagawa niya, iisang litrato lang ang naiimagine ko - kabaong. Isang malaking kabaong para sa isang matabang dalaga. Nakapalibot ang mga kapamilyang nag-iiyakan at sinisisi ang sarili na hindi napigilan ang pagkamatay. Tsk.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba ganun na lang ang buhay non.

Hindi na niya siguro iniisip na maaring mangyari sa kanya 'yun. Ang alam lang niya, gusto niyang gawin yon. Naadik siguro. Naeenjoy niya eh. Ayaw na rin niyang papigil. Kahit anong suway ko. Kahit anong sermon ko na masmasahol pa sa sermon ng mga Dominikanong prayle, wa epek. Ganon katigas ang ulo niya.

Siguro hindi na lang din niya iniisip (sabi ko sa inyo eh, dapatmag-isip) kung ano consequences ng mga ginagawa niya. O baka may sarili siyang rason na ayaw niyang ibahagi sa amin. Siguro di siya makatae nang maayos. O baka may nang-iipit at pumipilit na gawin niya yon. Naimpluwensiyahan na rin siguro ng mga katropa. At siguro isang matimbang na dahilan dito kaya patuloy pa rin siya, kasi marami siyang nakikitang kapareha niya at masmatagal nang ganon na hindi pa naman patay.

Kahit ano pa mang rason niya, siguro naman alam niya na mali yon. Na siya rin ang magsisisi sa huli. Pero kailangan pa atang abutin niya ang huli bago niya maintindihan.

Tsk tsk.. Naaawa lang ako. Hithit nang hithit sa yosing kadiri. Sunog na baga mo. Itigil mo na. Hindi naman para sa akin ang pangsusuway ko eh. Para rin sa'yo to, epal.

Tokneneng Ni Manong

2006-07-22T12:58:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

And it's going to attack on Monday! Waaah! Help me, Papa God!

*try ko Filipino*

Hindi niyo ba naisip na ang sobrang pag-iisip ay nakakasira ng bait ng tao? Isipin mo na lang, kung ang lahat iisipin mo pa ng sobra sobra, ano na kayang mangyayari sa'yo.

Tulad ng pagbili kunwari ng tokneneng sa kanto, iisipin mo pa kung bibili ka o hindi. Kasi baka pag kumain ka ng isa, gugustuhin mo pa ang isa. At baka maubos ang pera mo, wala ka nang pamasahe pauwi. Ibig sabihin lalakarin mo yun!? Sus! Please lang.

Pero kung di ka naman bibili, mamimiss mo ang lasa ng streetfood na to. Sayang naman, minsan minsan ka na nga lang makadaan sa may tokneneng, di ka pa bibili. O kaya iniisip mo na marumi na yang pagkaing yan. Baka magkatyphoid ka pa, eh di masmalaking gastos naman yun.

At kung bibili ka rin, ilan ang bibilin mo? anong sawsawan gagamitin mo? san mo kakainin, doon na ba sa kanto, habang naglalakad at nagmumuni-muni, o pag-uwi mo na lang?

Kung dun sa kanto naman, baka may makakita sa'yong kumakain ng *yuck* dirty food. That's so eeky. Eh di sira na reputasyon mo (kung ganyan ka nga mag-isip). O di kaya mas marurumihan pagkain mo kasi asa kanto ka at maraming sasakyang *smoke belcher* ang dumadaan?

Kung habang naglalakad ka naman pauwi tyaka mo kinain, hindi kaya masyado kang masarapan at hindi mo namalayang may manhole na pala sa harapan mo at ikaw ay nahulog. Magcocomplain ka pa sa pinakamalapit na daingan dahil walang sign na nagbabadya ng isang butas sa daan. Eh di nawala na sa isip mo ang tokneneng at iba na naman ang iniisip mo. Pwede rin namang pag habang naglalakad mo kinain ang tokneneng eh may humablot na ng pitaka o selepono mo sa bag mo nang dimo namamalayan kasi sarap na sarap ka nga at ang iniisip mo lang eh ang pagkaing iyong kinakain.

Pero pag sa bahay mo pa kakainin, eh di hindi na siya mainit? At hindi kaya humingi mga kasambahay mo? Eh pano kung humingi sila, eh di hindi na nakakabusog kasi konti na lang makakain mo. Pera mo rin yon. Nakakahiya namang sabihing bumili sila ng sarili nilang tokneneng. Hindi ba?

At pag nakain mo na ang tokneneng at nasarapan ka, bibili ka pa ba? babalikan mo pa ba yung kantong yun? I-susuggest mo ba sa iba na doon na lang dumaan kapag uwian para makatikim ng tokneneng ni manong?

O pag di ka naman nasarapan, idedemand mo ba na ibalik niya ang pera mo? O hahayaan mo na lang at never ka nang babalik don?

Pero teka, kung gusto mong ipabalik ang pera mo at ayaw niya, anong gagawin mo? Hihingi ng saklolo? Mananawagan sa Imbestigador? Makikipagsabunutan at sumigaw sigaw sa kalye? o aalis ka na lang at mag-iisip kung ano pwede mong gawin sa manong na yon?

So ano? Bibili ka ba ng tokneneng o hindi?

Abnormal lang siguro mag-iisip nito. Pero still.. Isipin mo na lang.....

Analyze that? Realize this!

2006-07-21T23:50:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

Such a sad story - We are going to pursue classes on SONA day.. *sniff*

I just did some changes with my design for the nth time now. *sigh*

My eyes are sore again. *urgh*

What have I learned today?

Realizations are rude. They tell you what you are and what you are not. Sometimes, they limit your potentials. So what do you do then? Do you stop realizing and start experiencing?

I too tired to point them out. Just think of it.

*I realized that I am one of the many - good or bad?

*I realized it's already late and I have to sleep. - is it for the better or worse?

*I realize I have to stop blogging now - useless or helpful?

*You realize this entry is about to end - irritated or glad? (or indifferent?)

Good night, and in case I don't see ya, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening! -a good night version for Truman Show's famous line.
.

Whose Side Are You?

2006-07-18T19:00:00.001+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

President Macapagal-Arroyo is about to deliver her State of the Nation Address (SONA) this coming Monday. This means there will be no classes in schools located in Metro Manila! Hurrah! This also means we are going to enjoy the freedom of having a 3(or four, for that matter)-day weekend! And of course, this also means I can go home to my beautiful province and visit my friendly-friend-friends! *Sana lagi na lang may SONA*

There are, however, more important points to chew over as the seated President share with us her plans for the country. It is to be expected that the speech would cover the changes-slash-improvements made during the interval of her previous SONA. She may also expound on the events she foresees happening and on the reasons for the actions taken and those that will be taken. She might even just repeat some of her finer points made during her last speech.

To tell you the truth, I never really gave much attention to the the political situation of the Philippines. One major factor for this is proximity since we (young probinsyanos) were never directly affected by it. To be frank, I never really cared. All I knew was that Philippines is much better off with GMA sitting on the high chair than wtih ERAP or FPJ (May his soul rest in peace) or de Castro. (Yes, I am pro-GMA. Any violent reactions?)

When I learned that there will be no classes because of the SONA, I asked my classmates why. During my high school, we never got this, ehem, benefit of having no classes just because a person (okay, the most prominent figure in the country - but still!) is about to speak. Then someone told me that it is far safer for people in the Metropolitan to stay at home during this tenuous time to avoid getting hurt when suprise bombings and/or vicious rallies start. All I could say was "Oh." So that is why we don't have classes. Scary, huh?

Studying in the University of the Philippines does not only mean being knowledgeable. It also means you are to be exposed to a society whose main arena is Philippine politics. By this I mean U.P. students are trained to be socially aware, socially relevant and socially active. Thus, we as iskos and iskas are expected to know what is happening around us. But that is not the reason why I am writing about the SONA. That is just too shallow.

Our school is facing a very difficult problem, financially speaking. The government is planning to cut down on the educational budget. It was also mentioned that our once P300 per unit fees would increase to P1000 per unit. That is how much these not-so-rich people will be paying next sem (I think).

I guess this is one of the numerous reasons why U.P. always nag about GMA. They also accuse the Arroyo government for the killings of journalists, rallyists, activists and other anti-Gloria militants. And of course, the eternal Graft and Corruption charges and how she cheated her way to the very very hotseat. These, as far as UP is concerned, are only the icing on top of a big cake of lies built by the administration.

As you can infer from what I've written, I am pro-Gloria. I am strongly in favor of her administration and even the Garci tapes didn't sway me. Of course, I was shocked and indignant at first, but in the long run, my faith in her still prevailed.

As I've said a little while ago, I am not an expert when it comes to political issues but I guess what I know is enough for me to think well of GMA. She is a college graduate (which is more than we could say for our other competitors). She even studied in the States and she has mastered the art of communication and diplomacy. Could you imagine Erap or Noli, speaking as articulately as GMA? No way! They'd probably have bled their noses dry trying.

With her diplomatic skills, we have gone farther and improved our ties with the neighboring countries. We have gotten Bush to visit the country and we have made long-lasting impressions to the other nations. Establishing EVAT and RVAT, for me, is also a very smart move for the Gloria administration. I don't know why stubborn people still don't see that these additional payments are the only option we've got to stop our momentous fall. I know we all hate the burden of more expenses but we just have to keep in mind the long term consequences and benefits of our sarcrifices.

GMA has far more to offer than those wanna-be presidents. We can count on her to see to our welfare. We also don't have to worry of her ever embarrassing the Filipinos in the global scene. She will be bringing Philippines to places. With President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, drastic ang gigantic developments are only just around the corner.

Yes, she may have cheated during the elections. However, it is just as well that she did. Otherwise, we would all end up in the hands of a TV icon whose fame only came about after repeating - for many a time, "Magandang Gabi Bayan."

*Note: I am not all together sure with the TFI. They are just hearsays.
Let us all stop the bitterness and think of Gloria the better way.

Darna!

2006-07-17T19:57:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

Change is an important factor to being a fulfilled human being. It coincides with experience, lessons and decisions. It helped us mold ourselves into the person we are now and I am sure it will be the cause of what we'll be in the future.

When I was a little younger, I never liked change. In fact, it tears me apart to know that I am moving on or someone's moving on with his/her life leaving and separating in the process. I don't want to feel the change, whatever form it may take, because it only gives me pain. I didn't know why but any kind of disturbances or fluctuations in my normal and steady flow of daily activities just left me confused and distracted. Change, for me, is best described by the feeling of a very, very heavy heart. (I actually felt exactly this way for a very long time!)

In only a few years time, I have experienced a lot. I have learned a great number of lessons and I have surely made millions of decisions (both wise and err, unwise). And I think all this combined, together with maturity, brought me to the conclusion that change will always be the same. It will come my way no matter how hard I try to avoid it. Even though I shut stupid change out of my petty, little world, it always find a slicky way penetrate the cracks on the walls.

So, all I can do is accept it. Embrace change and be as optimistic as possible about it. I tried and decided to look at the brighter side of things and never falter. Why waste energy resisting something you can't?

Why say change is necessary for a satisfying life? I say this because I think it shows us new things. It widens our horizons and opens up more doors that lead to more doors (and even trapdoors, for that matter) for us to open. Life is not just about the Internet (blogging) or about school and books or about being a devout Catholic or about playing Autojam or about daydreaming about your crush or about hanging out with your barkada.

Its about everything! It's about exploring uncharted territories and seeking for more. It is about yearning for what you don't normally do and seeing that there is more to life than what you expected.

A very fulfilled life is a life whose options are all chosen, whose checkboxes are all checked and whose list of things to do is longer than that of Santa Claus.

Change makes us do things we never expected we could do. It gives us strength.

This is my concept of change. That is why I love it now. It gives me more than what I bargained for. It shows me that I can do anything and that I could be anyone. And with this change I belive I could even be...DARNA!.. (prelude: Ding, ang bato!) (haha!)

Note: I only got this cute baby pic from Google.com

And.. Cut!

2006-07-16T22:31:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

Change is something everyone should be open to. I, for one, grab every opportunity for change. Of course, I'm referring to good and beneficial changes here.

Drat. There is something totally wrong with me right. Maybe I'll get back to my own self tomorrow after I burn all the fat food I've eaten over the weekend. I'll just continue with my super-opinionated blogging when I get hold of my weird self. Gad!

My Martin Luther

2006-07-15T18:18:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

The Catholic church is a powerful institution. It is powerful in a sense that it controls the standards for morality. In this case, nations oriented with such, follow what the Church orders for fear of eternal damnation and/or permanent residency in hell (or if not, for some personal reasons). Even the government of Christian countries, where officials most often than not live extravagantly off the taxes of the citizens, have to think twice before going against the creed of the Church. People of different status in the society abide by the same rules and conduct given by the Church. In short, Christianity tells us all how to live.

Living life by the standards of the Church is not really a bad thing. The fact that the Bible asks us to "Love thy neighbor" and "Forgive not seven but 77 times" tells us that Christianity's intentions are good and its purpose is for the betterment of the welfare of God's people. It also limits our freedom thus also limiting the extent of what one person would do to gain his/her own selfish desires.

"Kung 'di lang masamang pumatay, matagal ka nang patay."

Ever heard anyone utter something of this sort? This is what I mean by Christianity being good. It gives us something to fear. This fear curtails the bad things humans long to do. If there were no God to believe in, I would have done a number of nasty things already.

That is not the only benefit we get from Christianity. It also gives us something to believe in. Faith is very useful. When I hurt, I turn to this Spiritual being to guide me. When I doubt everything around me, even my friends, I just pray hard to Him to help me believe again. And it works for me. Just like when I really can't sleep, I ask Him to help me doze off. And it works. It also quite comforting to know that there is Someone who keeps an eye on you 24/7. (or does that creep you out?)

God is a good and holy entity. Although we can't be sure He really does exist, His presence is still felt. Why try to question an existence of something that is very helpful to our daily lives? He does no harm so just let Him embrace you and your soul. Wala namang mawawala, hindi ba?

Since Jesus died, the Catholic Church has represented the Holy One. However, there are some obvious discrepancies showing how wrongly the Church is handling its job. From burning supposed witches to gaining money through indulgences, the Church has dirtied its name. All throughout history, we have seen and learned of the abuse the Church has done to the devoted.

I agree with Martin Luther when he said that salvation of the human soul is not dependent on the priests' prayers or the Church's intervention with God. I believe that we ourselves can talk straight to God just by praying. We don't need some connector between us and God. We can save our souls, not by paying the priests to pay for our dead nor by climbing a thousand flight of stairs down on our knees, but by just following what is written on the Bible.

It is through the Bible that we save ourselves from purgatory and hell. It is by doing good and knowing what is right from wrong that save our souls. The Church is there to guide us, not to abuse our faith.

I think Martin Luther separated himself from the Church and formed a different kind of Christianity. I want to follow his beliefs but of course I can't. I have to stick with being a Roman Catholic or else suffer the wrath of my very religious and conservative predecessors.

**A Little Ironic (and irritating, i guess) Trivia:

The farthest I've read in the Bible is, I think, the part with Abraham in it?...

Even John Mayer can't help me!

2006-07-14T19:22:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

I was quite all right during the ride home but now I'm sort of in a foul mood. I don't know why but my sister's friend borrowing four thousand from me just rubbed me the wrong way. It's not my money darn it! *deep breaths..*<br>

.....

Okay. Now I'm ready to zzzzooom - blog! hehehe.. This is exactly what my shirt "Me So Corny" means. Anyway, school was all right. The quiz we were supposed to take this afternoon was postponed! Oh yeah! Luck always comes along the paths of good people. *ehem*

I went to the Indayog's open house/workshop. Indayog, by the way, is U.P.'s official dance varsity and the name itself is the Filipino term for cadence or swing. I went there to watch because I really enjoy watching really good dancers show off their skills. ("How I wish I could dance like them!")

I was supposed to tell you how a person, even one as bad as me in dancing, could learn the same moves the Indayog can do as long as there is determination and passion. But I guess I lost mine already. Hihi. But at least I have given my point for babbling about this seemingly useless topic.

So ano nga bang masasabi ko ngayon? Bangag na ngarag na bangag na ako. Kulang sa tulog pero gusto kong ayusin ang sleeping habits ko kaya I have to sleep on time. Sleeping this early would only bring me back to that same old abnormal habit.

I want to make this entry longer but I'm really not in the mood. My late night sessions are really taking their toll. *Shout in my head!*

My sister just got home. I think I got to get off the computer and go watch some TV while waiting for the right time to sleep.

I want to write about relative topics. Maybe later.. Keep visiting me! Thanks.

Me and UP

2006-07-12T10:16:00.000+09:00

Philosophy is my new enemy.

Hmm.. They say classes elsewhere were suspended. I hope ours would, too.

*SANA-WALA chant*

I was busy pimping up my blog and I kinda like the results. It's no longer rough around the edges but I still have to make a few adjustments here and there to make it (almost) perfect (this, of course, is according to my preferences). I gained lots of dark, eeky rings under my eyes just to finish my layout. *Whew* But I think it's worth all the late night sessions of repair and renovation. (right? Please let me be right.)

Let me tell you something about myself: My name is Anna Monica Acu'enye'a-Pastoral. I'm a college freshman of the University of the Philippines taking up Doctor of Dental Medicine. In short, I'm going to be a dentist. But I will be transferring (or shifting, for that matter) to Industrial Pharmacy come next academic year. Hopefully my grades would allow me such feat. Anyway, if I were to transfer, that would be for the third time. *Argh! I was supposed to be a Nursing student (yes, I still think it was mere luck I got in the College of Nursing). Then my aunt, truth be told, sort of brainwashed me telling me Nursing is not a good premed and Dental Med is better. So I transferred just before enrolling. The big mistake we did was to not look at other options/courses! I could have gotten in almost anywhere! (Except for Intarmed! *ugh* How I wish Luck helped me harder! haha!)

Do I sound too airy? I think so, too. Let's just make things clear: I don't think I'm smart. Like what I've said, I think it was "mere Luck" (I love you, Luck-ee! hehe) that I got into Nursing. And since that college has one of the highest cut-offs, I think I really could have gotten in any course. So now I have to work my butt off just to get the grades needed for me to be able to transfer. So please don't think I'm mayabang. Ayoko ng kaaway. Gusto ko ng readers.

Why would I bother blogging when I have no one to share it with anyway? I could have just written on a diary instead, if that were the case.

So there. I like studying in UP. (Who wouldn't?) This not because of the liberality or the prestige. (Okay, so those are additional benefits.) I like it in UP because I get to learn things High School overlooked (or cared less whether taught or not). "The more I know, the more I don't know." So the "only thing I know, is that I don't know." Thirst for knowledge was never my disease during my four years of stay in the secondary level. But here in college, I have learned in the span of two months more than what they teach us for half a school year in high school. I realized there are more to learn, more to absorb and more to be amazed with. Now I sound like a geek! I just think it's fun to learn new things. Only then did I notice how much I don't know. For me, that is a good thing. It's a sign that I am still willing to venture out and experience more.

And not only that, I was also able (and thank God and self-discipline for this) to set my priorities straight and impose on myself principles I thought I'd never have the guts to accept. My motto is no longer "What I want, I get." I learned that there are other people in the world and I am not the person living amongst other people but a person the same as the other people.

I guess college life really works for me. I don't really know why, but I am sort of hiyang to college life, in general. I think I found what was sorely missing.

Masaya ang buhay ko ngayon. Sana tumagal naman ito.